The Not-So-Perfect Fit

Yesterday I had an emergency. I went to the multiplex at Franklin Mills Mall to see a movie and, before the show started, went into the restroom. As I was finishing up, I was adjusting my pants because the buckle had gotten caught up in one of the loops on my shorts. Suddenly, the buckle broke apart. It is...or was...one of those reversible belts, and the screw (or whatever it spins around) somehow snapped. The belt became useless.

Now, this was an emergency because the pair of shorts I was wearing was one I had from before I started my diet in 2007 and lost weight. They're a 48 waist. My waist is closer to 42 now (my size-40 waist pants are a bit snug, since I've gained back some of the weight I had lost). The shorts were not staying up on their own -- they nearly fell down once when I wore them the day I was flying somewhere and had to take the belt off before going through security. So I had to hold my pants up while I was standing or walking.

After the movie ended, I went out into the mall, intending to go into the Marshall's or J.C. Penney outlets. I really didn't want another belt. I have belts here at home. But I wasn't holding up my pants all the way home. Then, I spotted the store that sells all of the "As Seen On TV" stuff like the ShoeDini and the Slap Chop...and the Perfect Fit buttons.

Perhaps you've seen the ads: if your pants are too tight or too loose, although the ads focus more on the "tight" side of the equation, you just pin one of these buttons onto your pants, snap the back piece onto the pin to hold it in place, and you're good to go. (This picture from one of their ads shows it -- the back fastener is on the left and the button itself is on the right.) Well, I picked up a set. The woman at the cash register took one look at me and asked if I wanted her to cut open the plastic package.

She did so, then took one of the buttons and, with some difficulty (take note of this -- this is called foreshadowing...) separated the two pieces and handed them to me. I pinned the button on and fastened it, and lo and behold, my pants were no longer in danger of falling down.

Later at night, I was getting undressed and tried to remove the button from the shorts (the instructions say you should remove it before washing or dry cleaning). It wouldn't budge. I pulled at both pieces. I pulled and pulled and pulled some more. They would not come apart. Finally I decided to just pull the button end, figuring that the pants themselves would force the back piece off...

See where the pencil is going through the pants? That's where the Perfect Fit button used to be. It ripped right through the pants.

I finally pulled it apart with pliers. The smaller back piece actually came apart into two pieces -- there's a tiny pin in there as well, it seems. It snapped back together, but it seems to be defective. I pushed it back onto the button's pin (not into pants this time) and again, I cannot for the life of me get this thing apart with my hands. The instructions say to simultaneously pull and squeeze the end part of the back fastener to detach it from the pointed end of the button, but this thing just isn't budging.

It's actually a clever idea, but if the other buttons in the set are like this, it's a piece of crap. Do you really think I'm going to put these things into any more pants unless I know the two pieces will come apart?