Hot Dog!

On Monday, as my friend Kurt -- that singing fool :) -- was off getting ready to go onto the field to compete in a singing contest at the Camden Riversharks' Country Music Night, I was standing on the concourse at Campbell's Field with a couple of his friends when one of the team employees came up to us and asked if anyone would like to participate in a hot dog-eating contest.

Now, we've had the Wing Bowl here in Philly for almost 20 years now, and I've always wondered what it would be like to be part of something like that. We were laughing about it, and I hemmed and hawed, and she said, "You can just eat one or two and have a free meal," and finally I said, "What the hell, why not?" and signed up. I am a sucker for a free meal.

Part of my thinking was that it would be something really quick on the field, and seeing me in it would be a huge shock to Kurt. I then learned that it was going to take place in part of the concourse and would last 10 minutes. The woman from the Riversharks told me that she was sure that the ballpark's roving camera operator would be filming it, so I figured it could still be a fun surprise.


So, after Kurt sang his country song and then the national anthem, after the 2nd inning ended I went over to the contest location. I was shocked to learn that there were 18 contestants, including 4 or 5 kids. The rules were simple: eat as many hot dogs as you can in 10 minutes. We were each given a plate of 10 (just 5 for the children) to start, as well as a bottle of water. I looked around and was disappointed because the stadium cameraman was nowhere to be seen.

The contest began. Even as I took my first bite and began chewing, I knew there was no way I could possibly win. Besides the fact that the hot dogs, of course, were in buns, I had eaten a couple of soft pretzels on my way to the ballpark so I wasn't as hungry as I would have been. I just laughed at the absurdity of it all. I did wolf a few down, though I didn't really eat that quickly. And since there was no video guy, I had to do it myself:



You first see me about 15 seconds in. When you see a nearly empty plate at the far left end of the table, with a man in a red shirt in front of it (about the 0:45 mark), you see the contest winner. He ate 9 1/2. I ended up eating four, which I'm sure is the most I've ever eaten at one time.

And so, with a record of no wins and one loss, I'd like to take this time to announce my retirement from the world of competitive eating.

Unless anyone knows of an ice cream-eating contest somewhere...