Quick Review: Abduction

In deciding on a grade for "Abduction," I hit upon something: the difference, in my mind, between a C-minus and a D-plus. More on that in a moment. But first, if you combine the title of this movie and its star, Taylor Lautner, you can have some fun. "Ab-duction," because the film contrives to have his shirt off in the first few minutes, and not once more the rest of the way. "Ab-duh-ction," because of Lautner's blank stare and near-complete lack of range, the film's general stupidity, and so on. Lautner plays a teenager who comes across a picture of himself as a toddler on a missing-persons website. That leads to a sometimes-confusing story where Lautner and a schoolmate (Lily Collins) are on the run from both the CIA and Russian terrorists. Sigourney Weaver plays his psychiatrist, except she turns out to be much more. Why do you suppose she wanted to be in this movie? Maybe she figured the presence of Lautner would lead to "Twilight"-sized box office, which would enhance her own paychecks? Alas, there was no real box office bonanza for this one.

At one point Lautner and Collins are on a train, and get to make out a bit in a quiet moment before trouble breaks out. As I watched, I was dumbstruck by what I saw as she raised her hand up to his face: either the shadows were playing tricks with my eyes, or...she's got hairier forearms than he does. Also, the final act takes place at a Pirates game at PNC Park (they filmed this in the Pittsburgh area). If this were real life it would mean there was more action than usually takes place during a Pirates game.

As for that pesky grade, here's the thing: while there may be a lot of bad things about some movies, to fall into the D-level it has to go a bit beyond being bad. Hate has to enter the picture, so to speak. Something about it has to make me angry that I sat through it. It has to make me squirm and seethe and either consider walking out or wish that I had. "Abduction," despite its flaws, just didn't do that. My grade: C-minus.

MixBlog 1-23-11

Lately I have really been kind of in a rut, even more than usual. The weather is not helping. I hate the cold to begin with, but this winter has been borderline ridiculous. My house is drafty, which makes it worse. I've always thought I'd never really consider moving away from Philadelphia but right now I'd love to just ditch this place and move somewhere warm. I don't know how I could possibly make that happen, with my finances being what they are. Tonight's forecast is for the coldest overnight low yet...

  

...and Wednesday may bring us more snow (or possibly rain). But hey, check out the bottom of that screen cap -- at least people with migraines will feel better today.

Just finished watching the end of the Flyers game. In their first meeting since last year's Stanley Cup finals the Flyers beat the Chicago Blackhawks 4-1. They are so much more consistent this year (despite a loss yesterday to New Jersey, a team that's having the same type of disastrous year that the Flyers did in 2006-07). The win puts the Flyers' record at 32-12-5, and their 69 points leads the entire league. That, of course, means little when it comes to the postseason, but the consistency combined with their depth is a very good sign. Hiring Peter Laviolette as coach was a genius move on the part of GM Paul Holmgren.

Meanwhile, in the strange recesses of my mind, I got to thinking about Taylor Swift earlier. Really.

On The Other Hand...

Unlike James Franco, Jake Gyllenhaal can come out of the closet any time he wants, especially since he broke up with Taylor Swift. I never thought that was real, let alone that it was going to last a while. She strikes me as a perpetually lovestruck 14-year-old even though she's 21. He's 30 now. The age difference isn't the issue. The maturity difference is. She should go back to Taylor Lautner, if you want my opinion. And Jake should come out and declare his eternal love for me, or at least stop by for a night...oh, what the hell, let's run this picture again...

By the way, perhaps because of this picture, somehow my "Love and Other Drugs" review has nearly caught up to my second nearly-naked Pat Burrell post as most-viewed on my blog since Blogger added their new Stats feature.

Speaking of coming out, did you hear that Johnny Weir is gay? Most of the commentary today revolves around the utter lack of surprise at this, since by his actions and attitude he'd done everything but make it official. I had my own joke line about it when I tweeted earlier ("Water wet, fire hot, Weir gay; or: time to sell some books!"). But this story at EW.com gives a more nuanced view of why he wanted to come out on his terms.

P.S. In part this post was a test to see if Blogger solved the problem that was disrupting things last night. It seems like it's back to normal. I have 2 movies, 2 weeks of comics and the NFL playoffs to write about, so I'm glad it's fixed!

Quick Review: The Twilight Saga-Eclipse

As with the previous "Twilight" sequel, "New Moon," you really need to be familiar with the books or have seen the prior movies to have any understanding of what's going on. In "Eclipse" you still have a lot of the mopey, dopey stuff between Bella Swan and vampire Edward Cullen (Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson). Edward wants to marry Bella, Bella wants him to make her a vampire first, he wants her to stay human and experience human things for as long as possible, she wants to have sex with him, he wants to wait until they're married, blah blah blah -- I just want to slap these two! Meanwhile, werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner and his abs) is also in love with Bella and insists that she loves him back but refuses to admit it. (At this point I am definitely on Team Jacob. Edward is such an annoying twerp.) Fortunately, there's more going on here: there's an army of "newborn" vampires being formed, and they're led by Victoria, the vampire who wants revenge on Bella. The Cullens and the wolf pack, longtime enemies, reluctantly agree to work together to combat the threat. There's the painful dialogue and its delivery, but at least there's some action, and a few clever moments. My grade: B-minus.

Quick Review: Valentine's Day

A movie about a holiday. I can't wait for everyone to get to see the movies "Presidents Day," "Flag Day," "Arbor Day," "National Masturbation Day," and...oh, wait, that last one may have to be rated NC-17...

Anyhoo, "Valentine's Day" didn't annoy me like so many of these romantic comedies do. However, with such a large cast of big-name actors (Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway, Shirley MacLaine, Hector Elizondo, Jennifer Garner, Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Emma Roberts, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Queen Latifah, Topher Grace, George Lopez, Kathy Bates) dividing up the screen time with so many storylines and romantic couplings, none of them had a chance to become especially interesting. And it's extremely predictable -- just about every plot twist and relationship change can be figured out immediately. At least they had the good sense to have Eric Dane go shirtless for a bit. (This photo isn't from this movie but you get the general idea.) Without spoiling his storyline, let's just say it depicts something that is often a topic for discussion at Outsports.com. Still, "Valentine's Day" had a few charming moments. Or maybe I'm just going soft...hmmm...that sounds like a plotline for "National Masturbation Day: The Movie." My grade: B-minus

Quick Review: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

It's important to point out that if you didn't see the first "Twilight" movie, you'll be pretty lost. I did see the first one, and I liked it enough to see "New Moon," which starts out with the mopey joy of sooooo-in-love vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) and his human girlfriend Bella (Kristen Stewart), until trouble erupts at the party Edward's family throws for Bella's 18th birthday. Edward's response is to break up with Bella. So much for love conquering all, eh? Bella is depressed but slowly comes out of it with the help of her friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner). Then Jacob turns into a werewolf...oh, enough. There was not so much action and way too much moping around compared to the first one, and characters' thought processes (such as what caused Edward to leave Bella) left me thinking that these people are kind of dumb.The so-called "Twi-hards" (is this the best nickname they could come up with?) will eat it all up. The rest of us have to settle for stuff like this...

 

This installment set up the whole "Team Edward" vs "Team Jacob" debate. The next sequel is scheduled for a June 2010 release. I'm not sure I'll pencil it in, though. My grade: C-minus.

Coming Attractions

So I've had a few odd days -- between sleep issues and the housecleaning I previously mentioned (that's pretty much under control, at least) and some other stuff. Thus, again I need to do some catching up here. I did manage to see a pair of movies, and hope to get to another in the morning; I really should write about the Eagles, although they are a terrible combination of frustrating and boring right now; and I actually have a political thought that's been sticking in my head for a few weeks. Oh, and my weekly dose of new comics, not to mention a couple of books I re-read a while back. So, until then, let's look at something nice. But what? Something current, perhaps...