#EverySimpsonsEver -- Day Ten

We are coming to the end. (Stop applauding.)

MUST-SEE!

8/30 12:00 AM ET “Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind” -- A Simpsonic take on "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" as Homer can't recall the events of the previous day.

8/30 12:30 AM ET “E. Pluribus Wiggum” -- Springfield moves up its election date (because Homer destroyed the town's fast-food restaurants) and it's now the first primary in the nation. Here come the presidential candidates and the media! And a new candidate: Ralph Wiggum! Pick a winner!

8/30 4:30 AM ET “Any Given Sundance” -- Lisa's school project is a short film about her family. Aspiring film producers Skinner and Chalmers enter it into the Sundance Film Festival. The Simpsons are going to Utah!

8/30 12:00 PM ET “Gone Maggie Gone” -- Not a bad episode, but to be honest I probably wouldn't include it here except for the brief, unexpected appearance of none other than the Phillie Phanatic.

8/30 1:30 PM ET “Eeny Teeny Maya Moe “ -- Moe hits it off with a woman he meets over the Internet. When they meet in person, he learns she's a little person. Will he screw it up? Well, yes. But it's surprisingly sweet.

8/30 9:00 PM ET “Once Upon a Time in Springfield” -- Krusty is forced by the network to add a female character to his show. Princess Penelope (Anne Hathaway) is a hit, which infuriates Krusty until he learns she's a longtime fan, and they fall in love. Anne Hathaway won an Emmy for this.

8/30 10:00 PM ET “Boy Meets Curl” -- Homer and Marge, along with Agnes and Seymour Skinner, compete in a new demonstration sport, mixed curling, at the Vancouver Winter Olympics. (Not surprisingly, the episode aired during the Olympics.) Lisa becomes addicted to collecting Olympic pins. Wikipedia says it was well-received by curlers and Canadians. Also, there's a sighting of a character from The Simpsons Movie...the movie only, not a character that has previously been in the series. And it's not Spider-Pig.

MEH. M-E-H, MEH.

8/30 2:30 AM ET “Dial “N” for Nerder”

8/30 3:00 AM ET “Smoke on the Daughter”

8/30 4:00 AM ET “Apocalypse Cow”

8/30 5:00 AM ET “Mona Leaves-a”

8/30 6:30 AM ET “Lost Verizon”

8/30 7:00 AM ET “Double, Double, Boy in Trouble”

8/30 9:00 AM ET “Mypods and Boomsticks” (The spoofing of Apple was okay. The Homer-fears-new-Muslim-neighbors-are-terrorists plot, not okay.)

8/30 11:30 AM ET “No Loan Again, Naturally”

8/30 2:00 PM ET “The Good, the Sad and the Drugly “

8/30 4:00 PM ET “Coming to Homerica “

8/30 5:30 PM ET “The Great Wife Hope”

8/30 10:30 PM ET “The Color Yellow”

Quick Reviews: Miserable(s) Hobbit Guilt

Another wrapup of three movies I've recently seen. (The title format for these movie posts might become a regular thing.) Also, these and a few others will go into the 2012 summary based on their release date, not when I actually get to see them, although in these three cases I actually did see them in 2012. Warning: you might find my opinion of one of these to be controversial.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was just too long, drawn out, at times incredibly boring. The only reason to expand this story into a trilogy like its "Lord of the Rings" predecessor is money. Don't let anyone tell you differently. However, I thought it looked wonderful. I watched the 48-frames-per-second version (twice the standard rate), which caused a lot of consternation when some early footage was released, and despite the fact that I also had to endure 3D, I found it to be extremely crisp visually. My grade: C-plus.

Not filmed in 3D or 48 frames per second, The Guilt Trip will cause no consternation or controversy whatsoever. As a mother-and-son duo making a cross-country trip we're given a phoning-it-in Barbra Streisand and a neutered-for-PG13 Seth Rogen. There are a few mild laughs but there's nothing new or innovative about this at all. It's basically harmless. My grade: C.

Let be me honest: I walked out of Les Miserables early. I saw over an hour, but that was enough. I am not against musicals, even musicals with virtually no spoken dialogue whatsoever. I like musicals. But this one just sounded like everyone sang the same loooooooooooooong song. Even as one scene bleeds into another, even as the film jumps years ahead to continue the story, the songs were virtually indistinguishable. (Compare it to "Evita," which also has very little speaking and also has a couple of time jumps, but at least there's variety and clarity.) The only things that snapped me out of my stupor: Anne Hathaway's passion in singing "I Dreamed A Dream" and woefully-miscast Russell Crowe's painful vocals on whatever song or songs he sang. As it went on, and as more characters were introduced, I became increasingly disinterested. This was an absolute mess in every way (except the aforementioned Hathaway bit). Finally, I could take no more. And I even I managed to sit through all of "Rock of Ages." Still, I'm giving it a better grade than "Rock of Ages" just because of "I Dreamed A Dream." So, it's got that going for it, which is nice. My grade: D-minus.

Quick Review: The Dark Knight Rises

I suppose this is a not-so-quick review. Then again, the movie was 2 hours, 40 minutes long. (And I managed to sit through it without running to the bathroom. Woo-hoo!)

It seems impossible to discuss "The Dark Knight Rises" without mentioning the mass murders in Aurora, Colorado. I'm still angry that much of the hoopla and excitement for this movie was wiped out by the actions of an evil individual -- not to mention our nation's pathetic excuse for gun laws. Since it happened, I haven't seen a single advertisement for the film. (On the other hand, we also got a respite from those slimy political ads, as the Obama and Romney campaigns, and the super-PACs supporting them, suspended their advertising.) Still, it only slightly tainted my enjoyment of the film.

Looking at the trilogy as a whole, Christopher Nolan did a masterful job of telling what is really one long story with multiple themes. "The Dark Knight Rises" goes back to plot points and themes in "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight" and weaves them into the film coherently, tying everything up extremely well. It even borrowed some from various story lines in the Batman comic books. (Does Bane break Batman's back? I'm not telling, just like I'm not telling whether or not Batman dies, as has been hinted and rumored.)

Specifically concerning the finale, it lived up to all of my expectations, particularly in regard to two of my fave actors. Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle was her usual marvelous self. She's never actually called Catwoman in the film; no mention of cats at all, only her master skills as a thief, thus avoiding the campiness usually associated with the character. (I'm not complaining about the camp: I adore Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman.) And Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a cop -- the trailers gave away nothing about why he was important to the story at all, but it pays off, especially with a hat tip to another Batman character at the very end.


To be honest, though, I think "The Dark Knight" was slightly better than "TDKR," mainly because of one aspect: Bane. No complaints about Tom Hardy, and I even was able to understand most of what he was saying under that mask with that weird voice, which still wasn't as annoying as Christian Bale's Batman voice. But even before Bane's motives were somewhat undercut by a plot twist near the end, as strong and powerful as he is, there's a little lacking when compared to the brilliant madness of Heath Ledger's Joker. My grade: A.

Where The Oscar Show Went Wrong

It's simple: if you want to be young and hip, it takes more than just hiring young stars to host. I adore James Franco and Anne Hathaway, and I think they had decent chemistry at times, but they were given just awful material to work with, as were the Oscar presenters.

A lot of people on my Twitter feed seemed to think Franco was high. I think they were confusing him with his "Pineapple Express" character. And he spent plenty of time posting videos to Twitter, which I think would be a problem if one is both trying to use a smartphone and host an awards show at the same time. Maybe he was too distracted by Twitter. I just think it was the terrible jokes and banter from the writers. (If Bruce Vilanch had a hand in this, as he often has had in past Oscar shows, perhaps it's time to consider retirement.)

One of the few jokes that worked, and I don't know if it was part of the script or an ad lib, came after Hathaway's little song-and-dance number. Because, he said, "you got to wear a tuxedo," Franco came onstage in drag. He followed that with: "The weird thing is I just got a text message from Charlie Sheen."

The whole reason for Oscar's being is for Hollywood to, metaphorically speaking, fellate itself. They're all there to congratulate each other and kiss each other's ass. There's no room for out there, edgy humor unless they're directing it at themselves (or close friends/coworkers, such as Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law). That's why the Sheen joke went over well:

Quick Review: No Strings Attached

There may be a new trend in movies: romantic couplings in which the guy gets all gushy and falls in love with the girl, but she just wants sex. There was "Love and Other Drugs" a couple of months ago with Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway. Coming up later this year is "Friends With Benefits," starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Right now there's "No Strings Attached," with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman as the two friends, Adam and Emma -- actually, it doesn't seem they're very close friends at first; the film starts with flashbacks which seem to be the only times they've met prior to arriving at the present -- who have sex and afterwards agree to keep having sex without dating or anything romantic. It's Emma's doing, although there's not as specific a reason as Anne Hathaway's character in "Love and Other Drugs" had. She's just a standard commitment-phobe. Sure enough, Adam starts falling for her and tries to win her heart. It was better than I expected, and Portman shows she can do comedy, although it has a sappy and predictable end. It's rated R and, besides some raunchy language, features a sighting of Kutcher's bare butt. Between that and how much skin Gyllenhaal showed in his movie, Justin Timberlake has to step up. Also, "No Strings Attached" was titled "Friends With Benefits" before production began, and Kunis and Portman went at it in "Black Swan," so it seems to me that, with so much already in common between the films, Kutcher and Timberlake should have a sex scene in a movie as well. My grade: B.

Quick Review: Love and Other Drugs

As you know, I've been anticipating this movie for a while now. "Love and Other Drugs" reunites Jake Gyllenhall and Anne Hathaway, who previously played a married couple in "Brokeback Mountain." Of course, in that movie Jake's character had other, ummm, interests. Not here, though. Gyllenhaal is Jamie Randall, a salesman for the Pfizer pharmaceutical company. He's basically a horndog, and uses that to his advantage. He meets Hathaway's Maggie Murdock at a doctor's office; she's dealing with the early stages of Parkinson's disease. They have a quickie and decide to keep seeing each other. She only wants sex -- not a relationship. It develops, though, in fits and starts. It's strained because of the way she wants to deal with her illness, and also by his success once Pfizer comes up with a new drug that he gets to sell: Viagra. At times the movie wants to be seen as a commentary on the big drug companies spending (and earning) mucho dinero on drugs to help a guy stay erect while people continue to struggle with real diseases like Parkinson's. During some scenes, often when Jamie's brother (Josh Gad) is in the picture, it devolves into a more lowbrow comedy. But the real heart of the story is the chemistry between Gyllenhall and Hathaway. And unlike so many movie romances, the obstacles placed between the couple are more realistic and mature. (Even the amount of nudity in the film fits. It's not nudity for nudity's sake.)

And now I'm going to say something that I've never said before about any woman: Anne Hathaway might be the one woman on the planet who could get me to go straight for a night. It would really help if my future ex-husband Jake were also in the room, however. My grade: B-plus.

My Week In Comics 11-17-10

Okay, so I have to decide tomorrow (later today, since it's after midnight when I begin writing this) whether I have enough time to see "Love and Other Drugs" (with Anne Hathaway and my future ex-husband Jake Gyllenhall) and get my comic books -- or choose between one and the other. This is what passes for an Infinite Crisis in my life. Oh, and also as I write this the John Williams main title theme to "Superman: The Movie" came up in my iTunes! Hmmmm...

Batman: The Return 1 (of 1)
Batman, Incorporated 1: I tie these two together because the "Return" one-shot leads right into the new ongoing Bat-series. The actual return of Bruce Wayne coming in that muddled miniseries and in Batman and Robin #16 dilutes the story here a bit, but "Batman: The Return" sets up what is a very interesting premise for the future. That would be "Batman, Inc." -- with Bruce publicly announcing (again, this moment actually happened in B&R 16) that he's funding Batman's war on crime, and Batman's recruitment drive for an army of crimefighters, all working under the Batman brand. Bruce is now focused on the big picture -- not just on stopping crime in Gotham City as vengeance for the murder of his parents, but on fighting evil worldwide. And he's having some fun doing it, which we haven't seen in ages. The new series is one that I might keep buying.

Superman 705: Continuing his Trudge Walk Across America, Superman takes on a case of domestic violence. Something I recall he did back in the day, just before he temporarily died at the hands of Doomsday. This storyline has turned disappointing, after a nice start. Should have turned around in Philly and walked back to Metropolis, Supes.

Supergirl 58:

Red Band Trailer: Love and Other Drugs

Ohhhhhhhhhh, I want to see this so freaking bad! This is the "red band" trailer for "Love and Other Drugs," starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway, which is out on the 24th. If you're not familiar with them, red band trailers are explicit, and you have to be over 18 to see them, unlike the usual, safe for all audiences, green trailers. So obviously the video is NSFW.



Sigh...

Oh, and for my friend Kurt: it was filmed in Pittsburgh!

Quick Review: Alice in Wonderland

I was disappointed by Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland." I thought it would be a lot more silly and ridiculous. Visually, it mostly lived up to expectations. But the rest failed to excite me much. Here, Alice is 19 and attending a party that takes an unexpected turn -- to Alice, but not to anyone else at the party -- when she receives a marriage proposal. She runs off, falls down a rabbit hole and is back in Wonderland. Except it's called "Underland," and Alice doesn't remember being there before, so when she encounters the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp), the Cheshire cat, etc., she is taken aback. It seems that "Underland" is suffering, as the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) has taken control from her sister, the White Queen (Anne Hathaway), and that Alice must help defeat the Red Queen, and...what the hell? It's Alice in Wonderland, with Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, and it's supposed to be crazy and wild -- I repeat -- WILD! Instead, much of the time it's sad, restrained and almost dull. Where's the fun? My grade: B-minus.

Quick Review: Valentine's Day

A movie about a holiday. I can't wait for everyone to get to see the movies "Presidents Day," "Flag Day," "Arbor Day," "National Masturbation Day," and...oh, wait, that last one may have to be rated NC-17...

Anyhoo, "Valentine's Day" didn't annoy me like so many of these romantic comedies do. However, with such a large cast of big-name actors (Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway, Shirley MacLaine, Hector Elizondo, Jennifer Garner, Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Emma Roberts, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Queen Latifah, Topher Grace, George Lopez, Kathy Bates) dividing up the screen time with so many storylines and romantic couplings, none of them had a chance to become especially interesting. And it's extremely predictable -- just about every plot twist and relationship change can be figured out immediately. At least they had the good sense to have Eric Dane go shirtless for a bit. (This photo isn't from this movie but you get the general idea.) Without spoiling his storyline, let's just say it depicts something that is often a topic for discussion at Outsports.com. Still, "Valentine's Day" had a few charming moments. Or maybe I'm just going soft...hmmm...that sounds like a plotline for "National Masturbation Day: The Movie." My grade: B-minus