#EverySimpsonsEver -- Day Five

It's funny. I own the DVD sets for the first sixteen seasons (plus season 20, which they released very early -- without any deleted scenes or commentaries or such -- just to take advantage of it being the 20th season). Still, I'm DVRing episodes during this marathon. I want to see certain episodes again but I don't feel like pulling out the DVD sets, and if I'm not home or I've gone to bed...anyway, here's what I recommend for Monday:

MUST-SEE!

8/25 1:00 AM ET “In Marge We Trust” -- With a burned-out Rev. Lovejoy, advice-giver Marge and, of course, Mr. Sparkle.

8/25 1:30 AM ET “Homer’s Enemy” -- I can't say that this is one of the best, but it's unusual because of how it ended. It really shocked me.

8/25 2:00 AM ET “The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase” -- Mainly for the brilliant lampooning of the Brady Bunch Variety Hour.

8/25 6:30 AM ET “Lisa the Skeptic” -- The show's take on religion has always been interesting, and more nuanced than you'd expect. Here, Lisa discovers a skeleton of what appears to be an angel.

8/25 9:00 AM ET “The Joy of Sect” -- Members of a cult hit Springfield for recruits, but have a little trouble getting through to Homer.

8/25 11:00 AM ET “Lisa the Simpson” -- Lisa is suddenly not quite as smart as in the past, and she's really worried after Grampa tells her it's because of the "Simpson gene" that causes everyone to lose their intelligence.

8/25 12:00 PM ET “Simpson Tide” -- Homer joins the Naval Reserve and ends up in charge of a submarine during war games, which leads to an international incident.

8/25 2:30 PM ET “Lost Our Lisa” -- The premise is a bit illogical. If Lisa is so intelligent why isn't she able to take a bus to the museum by herself without getting lost? But I really love the episodes where Homer and Lisa bond.

8/25 7:30 PM ET “Mayored to the Mob” -- Homer becomes the mayor's bodyguard and gets on the bad side of Fat Tony.

8/25 8:00 PM ET “Viva Ned Flanders” -- In which we learn that Ned Flanders is 60 years old. Homer persuades him to go to Vegas, where they get drunk and marry a couple of barmaids.

8/25 10:00 PM ET “I’m with Cupid” -- Apu's multiple Valentine's Day gifts to his wife made the rest of Springfield's husbands look bad, so they try to sabotage his last gift

MEH. M-E-H, MEH.

8/25 5:00 AM ET “The Cartridge Family” -- This episode, in which Homer bought a gun and Marge was not happy, was one of the first episodes I rather disliked.
8/25 4:30 PM ET “Bart the Mother”
8/25 6:00 PM ET “D’oh-in’ in the Wind”

#WhyImNotVotingForRomney

I saw the hashtag on Twitter and just had to use it. But since I didn't want to issue a bunch of individual tweets, I decided to put it all on here...well, maybe not everything, but as much as I can think of right now.

I'm sick and tired of the Republican party in general.

I'm sick and tired of the extremist, racist segments which have taken firm control of the Republican party -- the Tea Party and the religious right (aka the American Taliban). Even if Mitt Romney is not in fact a racist or a religious extremist, he has encouraged and emboldened the racists and religious extremists with his words and actions, making him no better.

I'm sick and tired of the wealthy and the large corporations getting more and more tax breaks that they do not need, and reduced regulation in so many areas, while the rest of us find our lives becoming more and more of a struggle every day. Mitt Romney will continue the tax cuts for the wealthy. In fact, as it was reported yesterday, it seems that Mitt Romney may not have paid a single penny in taxes for the years 1996 through 2009. NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PENNY. FOURTEEN YEARS.

I'm sick and tired of not having the same rights as everyone else because of my sexual orientation, and of having a woman's right to control her own body being restricted or completely removed, and having Planned Parenthood and other agencies that provide quality health care services threatened, all due to the influence of the American Taliban. Romney has thrown in with the American Taliban on these issues.

I'm sick and tired of the lack of affordable quality health care for everyone. I'm sick and tired of the efforts to stop health care reform, when we've finally begun to make progress after decades of failure. Not only has Romney thrown in with the Tea Party extremists, he's going against the health care reforms he pushed for while Massachusetts governor. This is not leadership -- this is hypocrisy and gutlessness.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about how jobs aren't being created because taxes aren't low enough, and how Barack Obama didn't do anything to fix the economy. Taxes for the wealthy were cut during the execrable George W. Bush presidency and somehow we ended up with many fewer jobs and the worst economic conditions since the Great Depression. Why didn't the "job creators" create jobs with the windfall profits they received then? Why does anyone think they'll do it now? And while the economy is still in bad shape, all the indicators show it's beginning to recover. And it would have begun sooner had it not been for the Tea Party extremists in Congress who have spent the last four years doing nothing but blocking any legislation supported by Obama, because their ONLY goal for the last four years has been to do everything possible to make sure Obama wasn't reelected.

I'm sick and tired of the GOP still trying to paint Barack Obama as weak on foreign policy and terrorism. If the death of Osama bin Laden isn't enough evidence to the contrary, Mitt Romney proved with his blundering excursion to London during the Olympics that he has about as much expertise in foreign affairs as Paris Hilton.

I'm sick and tired of the Tea Party extremists and American Taliban's complete repudiation of science. Whether in fighting against stem-cell research or regulations to improve the environment and lessen the effects of climate change (unthinkable, especially after the unprecedented strength and path of Hurricane Sandy) or teaching "creationism" instead of evolution in schools, there's no excuse for this utter stupidity.

And, because it just seems to need to be said, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It's very simple: unless you're a wealthy, white, heterosexual male, or a racist, there is simply no reason to vote for Mitt Romney. He is NOT on your side. His policies will NOT make your life better. Only a complete moron would think otherwise.

A Little More On Outfest

My experience at this year's Outfest was different from last year in some ways. For one, I didn't see Kendra Wilkinson or any other "reality" TV "stars," which also meant that I didn't make it to national television. That didn't bother me. What did bother me a little is that the protestors who always show up at these things, while still small in number, were louder.

At least three of them, on different streets, had portable PA systems and were going on almost non-stop harassing passersby with their hatemongering. I say "almost" because there was one brief moment when someone yanked the microphone cord out, silencing the bigot. The guy who did this was immediately pounced upon by the waiting police.

I realize that these religious freaks have their rights, since the festival was out on the public streets, and I know that police have to do their jobs to keep the peace. But this sight really sickened me. Freedom of speech and freedom of religion really sucks sometimes. (Programming note: I still need to write about those "Occupy ____" people soon.) I wish there were a way to discourage these people from showing up at all. I use this analogy often: they're dinosaurs, stuck in tar pits, and soon to be extinct. I just wish the process could speed up a little. And I still think the rest of us ought to show up at their events now and then and enjoy our same freedoms.

Rant On "It Gets Better" (Plus The Phils' Video)

First, at long last here is the Phillies' "It Gets Better" message featuring Chase Utley, Roy Halladay, Hunter Pence, John Mayberry, Jr. and Michael Stutes...



Regarding "It Gets Better," there's been a discussion of its merits on the Outsports Jock Talk Blog in response to a post about a story from Canada. A local paper is doing a series on area gay athletes, and they started with a teenage hockey player who isn't out of the closet and is fearful of people finding out he's gay. The comments have turned into a debate on whether or not the "It Gets Better" project is actually worthwhile.

I am sick of this debate.

Wait. Let me re-state this for emphasis:

I AM SICK OF THIS DEBATE!

A Sort Of Universal Sort Of Prayer

This is a "To Whom It May Concern" message to any deity/higher power in existence.

It feels like too many people I know -- whether I know them very well or only from Twitter or Facebook posts -- are having problems. Health issues. Money problems. Family concerns. Relationship breakups. You name it. And sure, even one person is one too many, and to be sure there are plenty of people I don't know at all who are enduring trials of their own. I know that things happen. But it seems lately it's happening more than it should. Maybe it's just me, but it feels that way.

In a fair, just world, people's suffering would at least be eased by societal and governmental functions. But we don't live in a fair, just world. We live in a world controlled by men and women who are sometimes evil and despicable, sometimes maddeningly incompetent, sometimes both (and those may be the most dangerous of all).

So if you're out there, God, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, Yahweh, Flying Spaghetti Monster or whatever you're being called this week, I'd like you to work a little harder and provide more people with answered prayers, positive energy, good vibrations, white light, magic or whatever. Because we could all really use a break. I've included a couple of lighted candles if you're into that sort of thing.

Thanks in advance,

Joe

I Want To Marry You

On this blog a while back I mentioned that, once upon a time, I became an ordained minister online, but never did anything with it. I suggested that, as marriage equality continues on its inevitable path to becoming the law of the land, I could begin marrying same-sex couples to relieve other ministers of some of their workload. (This isn't to say I wouldn't marry straight couples, of course.) As it turned out, after I posted that I went to their website and couldn't log on. I sent an email and got a reply that said their databases have been moved and updated over the years and, long story short, they couldn't find any record of me. I was told I'd have to go through the process again.

So I did, and I'm once again an ordained minister, with a church whose beliefs on same-sex marriage widely diverge from many other religions.

Today I was talking with my friend Kurt and he suggested that, since I need money, I should start advertising my ministerial services and begin marrying people. Of course, there's a little bit more I have to do to even begin to perform weddings or other ceremonies. For one, I'd need some credentials to prove that I'm ordained, credentials that they'll happily provide...for a price, of course. And seeing as how money is not falling from any trees around my house, I'm not going to pay for such credentials unless I actually need to use them.

Besides, I have no idea what the going rates are, although I will say that I'm happy to undercut the competition, within reason. ;-)

So, while I'm not going to post an ad on Craigslist or anything, I'll just say that if you need any services performed and don't mind hiring someone who's never performed any services before, and if you're not in a real hurry or you don't need to see actual credentials (so if we're talking weddings, plan ahead), keep me in mind. Remember, I'll undercut the competition's rates.

And if you read the title of this post and thought I was proposing to you, and you're a man, and you're interested, well, you should get in touch with me right away.

Why I'd Be A Bad Husband

Sure, New York state now has marriage equality after the state's Assembly and GOP-controlled (really? Really!?!) Senate passed legislation to allow same-sex marriages and the bill was signed into law by Governor Andrew Cuomo last night.

It's a great day, it's annother step in the right direction, and it'll make for a helluva fun Pride parade tomorrow in New York City. But I've learned that I am not good marriage material. Why?

It seems I'm capable of forgetting to acknowledge anniversaries.

Such as the two-year anniversary of the creation of this very blog.

Even though I have a calendar nearby and "blog 2 yrs." is written on the box for the 22nd.

Once again, as the kids say, SMH.

Happy anniversary to me. Thank you for reading. Thank you, New York state, even though clearly I won't be taking advantage of your new law any time soon. (Although perhaps, if you're planning to get married, I can help. A long time ago I went through the process of becoming an ordained minister online. I never did anything with it, but I figure that, as same-sex marriage becomes more and more common, all the other ministers might be too busy and need my help...)

A Couple Of Things...

I guess this is like a MixBlog, but shorter. (Mainly because I want to put something up without starting the posts on the four movies I got to see in the last week.)

• The (C)rapture didn't happen yesterday, so I want the fraud who claimed it would occur behind bars. Since I know the government won't do it...

• I watched last night's Saturday Night Live. The only parts of the show I enjoyed were those featuring Lady Gaga -- both her musical performances and a couple of sketches. No fault of Justin Timberlake's, but this show is unwatchable. It takes a very special reason (Betty White last year, or last night's host/musical guest combo) to get me to tune in. (Speaking of Gaga, her new album will finally be released -- after at least four single releases in advance of it -- and it's apparently going to be available on iTunes, Amazon, etc. at midnight.)

• I'm debating whether or not to play in this year's Liberty Bell Classic softball tournament. My team has a spot for me if I want to play. There are pros and cons, so I'm undecided. There's a block party on Saturday night on Camac Street as well. There's lots of stuff swirling around in my head right now...

• Chase Utley is expected to be in the Phillies' starting lineup tomorrow night. Maybe his presence will help the offense somehow. They've scored 3 runs or fewer in nine consecutive games. Of course, it could be worse: besides the fact that they're still in first place in the NL East, a year ago today they were shut out 5-0 by Boston, beginning a stretch of 12 games in a row with 3 or fewer runs (including 3 straight shutouts by the Mets).

• I posted this on Twitter/Facebook last night...just feeling the need to emphasize how much I want those (C)rapture nuts arrested. Fraud, incitement to riot, something. Child endangerment charges for any parents who quit their jobs and got rid of their possessions.

God de Sade?

I occasionally like to remark that God is a black, Jewish, pro-choice lesbian. It's a joke that is designed to irk...well, white, non-Jewish, anti-choice heterosexual men, or at least the right-wing nutjob portion of that particular demographic. Today I got a reminder of another remark I like to make about God, and while this one is also a joke, I think there may be a grain of truth to it: God has to be either incompetent or extremely sadistic to allow so many innocent people to suffer so greatly.

Natural disasters are one thing, but what about child-molesting clergy? Greedy politicians whose positions favor the wealthy? And so many others? They cause so much pain to so many -- especially the politicians, whose actions affect so many more people -- yet God doesn't smite nearly enough of them. Hardly any, really. Don't you think a bolt of lightning striking down one or two of these creeps live on national television would send a message to the rest that they'd better clean up their act?

What reminded me of this thought today was, as you might expect, Twitter. And the National Football League.