#EverySimpsonsEver -- Day Three

The FXX Simpsons marathon is in full swing! It's still very difficult for me to not just list every episode. I've left out some really great ones. In a couple of cases I chose episodes featuring big musical numbers...

MUST-SEE!

8/23 2:00 AM ET “Krusty Gets Kancelled” -- Filled with guest stars appearing (or, in one case, not appearing) on Krusty's comeback special: Johnny Carson, Hugh Hefner, Bette Midler, Barry White, Luke Perry, Elizabeth Taylor and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

8/23 3:00 AM ET “Cape Feare” -- One of a series of excellent Sideshow Bob episodes.

8/23 4:30 AM ET “Treehouse of Horror IV” -- In one of the tales, Homer sells his soul. For a donut. Mmmm, donuts...where was I? Oh, year. After some family begging the Devil -- Ned Flanders -- agrees to a trial before claiming Homer's soul, and stacks the jury with: Benedict Arnold, John Wilkes Booth, Lizzie Borden, Blackbeard, John Dillinger, Richard Nixon (who was actually still alive at the time this aired)...and "the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers." But something is wrong with this picture...

8/23 6:00 AM ET “Boy-Scoutz ‘n the Hood” -- If for nothing else but seeing Bart and Milhouse, on a Squishee bender, going crazy...Broadway style!

8/23 6:30 AM ET “The Last Temptation of Homer” -- A new co-worker is attracted to Homer, and he's attracted to her. They are chosen to represent the power plant at a convention in Capitol City. Nary a visit to a Chinese restaurant goes by without me thinking of the fortune cookies from this episode.

8/23 8:30 AM ET “Homer and Apu” -- Again, a musical number is a standout. "Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?" Apu does. But he's been fired, and replaced by actor James Woods.

8/23 9:30 AM ET “Deep Space Homer” -- "I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords!" Oh, Kent Brockman, don't ever change.

8/23 4:00 PM ET “Treehouse of Horror V” -- One of my favorite Halloween specials, featuring the "Shining" parody and Homer's toaster-turned-time machine.

8/23 5:00 PM ET “Lisa on Ice” -- A hockey episode! Needing to avoid failing gym, Lisa accidentally discovers that she's a stellar goalie. And once she gets into it, look out: “Hey, Milhouse! Knock him down if he’s in your way. Jimbo! Jimbo, go for the face! Look! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard. Hack the bone! Hack the bone!” Homer, at first, has a different view: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such." Bonus quote: "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

8/23 7:00 PM ET “Homer the Great” -- Stonecutters. 'Nuff said.

8/23 11:00 PM ET “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” -- In which Santa's Little Helper becomes a father twenty-five times over, and Mr. Burns offers to take all the puppies in...in order to make a tuxedo. Musical standout: "See My Vest."

MEH. M-E-H, MEH.

8/23 12:00 AM ET “So It’s Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show”
8/23 2:30 PM ET “Another Simpsons Clip Show”

These two are pretty easy. The first is framed by Bart's April Fool's prank on Homer that goes badly (for Homer), and the second by a family discussion of love and romance with similarly-themed clips.

This Guy...

...well, the version of him that's ten or so years older than when this picture appeared in the Flyers' 2003-04 Pictorial Yearbook (not just a yearbook, a Pictorial yearbook)...just won the Conn Smythe trophy as the Most Valuable Player of the 2014 Stanley Cup playoffs. Justin Williams of the Los Angeles Kings won his third Cup since being traded from the Flyers in 2004.

And hey, Mike Richards and Jeff Carter won their second Cup since they were traded by the Flyers. Are we sensing something about the Flyers' player evaluation over the years? But this is not about the Flyers or Richards or Carter. This is about Justin Williams. He's woefully overdressed in this photo.

You Can Play, But How About Simmonds?

Needless to say, I'm pleased about the You Can Play project, with its simple yet clear message encouraging equality for LGBT athletes: "If you can play, you can play." It's spearheaded by Flyers scout Patrick Burke, powerfully carrying on his brother Brendan's legacy. The fact that two Flyers (at least so far), Claude Giroux and Scott Hartnell, have taken part in the initial public-service announcement (see below) is even better.



(Hartnell's comments to the Philadelphia Daily News, by the way: "It was a no-brainer...we live in a diverse country. It's not a white man's sport. There's all sorts of nationalities in our sport. We encourage everyone to play. It's a great sport. Everyone has fun with it, especially when you're a kid. It's not just about sport, but you learn a lot of things about real life and becoming a team.")

I've been ambivalent about the Flyers this season because of the Wayne Simmonds preseason f-bomb incident. I do feel less ambivalent now, but I still can't entirely let go of it. The fact remains that after that game his stance was "you say things in the heat of battle" and the next day, on advice of -- well, who knows? NHL players' union? Team official? Agent? - he lied that he didn't saying it. The phony non-apology we often get in these situations would have been preferable to this. And it still bothers me that, at least for public consumption, Patrick Burke hasn't gone beyond what he was quoted as saying in the article I discussed in the above-linked post. I can understand why -- he works for the Flyers, after all -- but it still irks me.

Am I being too stubborn, or ridiculous? Is it too much to ask for Wayne Simmonds to at least be honest, if not contrite? Maybe at some point he should join the other players participating in the You Can Play videos. Maybe then I'd feel better.

Philadelphia Revolution Hockey?

I was about to get out of a bus near my house after I ran some errands today, and saw another bus pulling to the corner. When I saw what the bus said, I was intrigued, so when I exited my bus, I shot some video.



Seeing as how I'm not enthused about the Flyers right now, thanks to their lying (definitely) bigot (possibly) Wayne Simmonds, this intrigued me. I found their website -- it's a bit subpar, but I've been able to piece together that the Philadelphia Revolution is a junior hockey organization, with teams in three different leagues. They play their home games at a rink in Warwick Township. In fact, one team had a game there tonight, with a 5:40 pm scheduled start.

I don't know why their bus was around the corner from my house at 4:15, less than 90 minutes before game time. I think there's a chance the driver was lost, or thought he was lost. The bus was headed north on Frankford Ave. to Grant Ave., made a right on to Grant and (as I took my video) parked along the road for about two minutes before resuming the trip. But based on Google's directions from there to the rink, they were headed in the wrong direction when the bus turned onto Grant.

I wish them well. Definitely more than the Flyers right now. But they need to spell the word "sponsor" correctly.

2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs - Conference Semifinals

I didn't do too badly with my first-round predictions. Canucks in 7, Bruins in 7, Sharks in 6, Capitals in 5 -- perfect. Red Wings won in 4 instead of 5. Close enough. And although the Lightning did win in 7 over Pittsburgh, I did say that I was concerned about the Penguins if Sidney Crosby didn't play. He didn't. Pittsburgh had a 3-1 series lead, though, and then fell apart. I had Anaheim over Nashville in 6, but the Predators won. (I still don't think they're going to the finals, though.) And then there was the Flyers-Sabres series, in which Ryan Miller stole one game from the Flyers and Brian Boucher basically gave away another one. Of the other five games, the Flyers won four of them even with some of the weirdest goaltending twists and turns I've ever seen.

So, 5-3 in the first round. As for the next round (which begins tonight for one series and Saturday for the Flyers)...

WESTERN CONFERENCE

(1) Vancouver Canucks vs. (5) Nashville Predators - The top regular-season team nearly had a meltdown for the ages in the first round before finally finishing off the defending Stanley Cup champion Blackhawks in the 7th game. They should be able to handle Nashville with a little less difficulty. Canucks in 6.

(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (3) Detroit Red Wings - Does it seem these teams meet every year in the playoffs? They were matched up in this round last year and the Sharks won in 5. But last year the Wings' first round was a tough 7-game series over Detroit. This year they mopped the floor with the former (and future?) Winnipeg Jets, so they'll put up a better fight against San Jose, but... Sharks in 7.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (5) Tampa Bay Lightning - I think the Capitals may finally be ready to make a serious Cup run. There were moments in the first round where it seemed that they would fall apart and make an early exit again, but here they are. Capitals in 6.

(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (3) Boston Bruins - Another series that's a rematch from last year, and we all remember how that turned out... I underestimated the Flyers after their lazy finish to the regular season. They were solid against Buffalo throughout that series, and were an absolute machine in the clinching Game 7. And Chris Pronger's presence gave a jump to their power play. Despite the goalie issues (again)... Flyers in 6.

2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs - Conference Quarterfinals

Once again, I'll offer predictions for the Stanley Cup playoffs, the finest professional sports postseason there is. The usual caveat -- other than the Flyers, my fountain of knowledge of teams is limited at best, so if you're looking for "expert" analysis you won't find much here. And as I'm writing this two or three of the series-opening games have already started, but I only know one partial score and it's not affecting my pick for that series. I've been watching the Phillies anyway, since the Flyers don't begin until tomorrow night.

By the way, did you know that there are three teams based in California in the playoffs, but only two from our hockey-crazed neighbors to the north? Woe, Canada...

EASTERN CONFERENCE

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) New York Rangers - The Rangers made a late run, then kind of backed into the playoffs at the end. Capitals in 5.
(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (7) Buffalo Sabres - see below. Yes, I'm being a tease again.
(3) Boston Bruins vs. (6) Montreal Canadiens - This should be a war. Bruins in 7.
(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Tampa Bay Lightning - Penguins in 6, although it worries me that they're still playing without Sidney Crosby.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

(1) Vancouver Canucks vs. (8) Chicago Blackhawks - This should be great even though the defending Cup champs backed in (even moreso than did the Rangers) on the last day of the season. Canucks in 7.
(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Los Angeles Kings - Thanks to some of their employees (on- and off-ice) who used to work here, the Kings are kind of like Flyers West, so I wouldn't be sad to see them make a run, but they have some injury issues (just like Flyers East often has!) and the Sharks are better anyway. Sharks in 6.
(3) Detroit Red Wings vs. (6) Phoenix Coyotes - Please, dear (insert your preferred deity/deities here), get that team out of Phoenix once and for all, please? Red Wings in 5.
(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Nashville Predators - I can honestly say I know very little about either of these teams. However, I read that Flyers color analyst/Versus studio cohost Keith Jones says the Predators are going to be in the Stanley Cup finals, and that just seems ludicrous, so...Ducks in 6.

And now, the moment you've been waiting for...my Flyers-Sabres pick!

Anniversary Weekend

While waiting for the Super Bowl, here are a few brief thoughts on a events being remembered from the recent and distant past.

One year ago yesterday was the anniversary of the car crash that took the life of Brendan Burke. Here's a fine article that talks about his legacy -- what his coming out, followed by his tragic death, means for gay hockey players and leagues, as well as the eventual coming out by someone in the NHL.

Also one year ago yesterday, Snowmageddon. 28.5 inches of snow officially here. And a few days later, another foot-plus, which would be the third storm that dumped a foot or more on us. But I think this winter has been worse. Because of the couple of large storms and a number of smaller ones, our snowfall total was actually running ahead of last year's total at this time (although now we're behind again, since we didn't have another abominable snowfall in the last couple of days). And the cold has been relentless. At least today and tomorrow the highs will be in the 40s, giving us a little break.

And it seems that 100 years ago today, Ronald Reagan was born, and there's a lot of talk about his presidency as a result. Unfortunately, his policies live on, repackaged and twisted into even more despicable form by the current GOP. For me, June 5th, the day in 2004 when Reagan finally died, is the day to commemorate.

Why There Shouldn't Be Hockey In Phoenix

Check out this "crowd" last night. The second home game of the Phoenix Coyotes' season, coming off a season in which they finally made the playoffs, drew an announced attendance of 6,706. Yet the NHL insists on having a team in Phoenix. They've lost tons of money over the years, they still don't have a new owner (I can't even begin to sum up that debacle, but here's a Wikipedia link), taxpayers in Glendale (where their arena is located) are on the hook for $25 million to be paid to the NHL to pay for the team's losses this year...and according to left winger (and former Flyer) Scottie Upshall, they can't even make ice properly, as evidenced by this tweet after the team's home opener:

He later issued a clarification...

There are too many NHL teams in markets that simply can not or will not support hockey. The Coyotes should have been allowed to move back to Winnipeg (where they used to be the Winnipeg Jets) or to Hamilton, Ontario or some other location.

And now, for the non-hardcore sports people, here's a picture Upshall tweeted earlier this summer...

More on the "Mikey" Blog Hoax

There's an update at the Outsports Jock Talk Blog about the "Mikey" masquerade -- the blog by someone claiming to be a 17-year-old closeted high school hockey player but turned out to be a man in his 40s. (Here's the link to my previous post about this story.)

Jim Buzinski's article is about as thorough as it can be, considering that Outsports is essentially a two-man operation. There's no team of investigators, nor are there resources to devote to in-depth detective work. Be sure to read the article because my brief summary doesn't do it justice: "Mikey" is around 48 years old, lives in a suburb of Minneapolis, may be (or may have been) married and has profiles on two sex sites, including Manhunt. Even more worrisome, he seems to have created his "Mikey" persona in part based on actual high school players in the Minneapolis area and had pictures of at least one of these kids (and the kid's brother) on the blog server.

The whole thing finally unraveled because he fell for Jimmy, a 23-year-old Canadian, and the two developed an online relationship. It was Jimmy who caught "Mikey" in the lie.

The "Mikey" Blog: Reality vs. Internet "Reality"

You may be surprised to learn that this post isn't about TV shows such as "The Real World" or "Survivor" or, God help us, "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew." This is about reality as found, or not found, on the Internet.

Back in December, an item was posted on the Outsports.com Jock Talk Blog about a blog written by a closeted 17-year old guy who was a high school hockey player in the Minneapolis area. "Mikey" wrote about his life, being closeted to all except his younger brother and his best friend, and about hockey.

"Mikey" wrote his posts as if he were texting, often abbreviating and being very...casual...about punctuation, spelling, etc. For example: "ive pretty much known i was gay for awhile but tried to ignore it for a long time but its just hard to do it. i told [a friend] and my lil bro this summer and there the first to know bout me, i wish i could tell everyone but im chicken and scared that bein out would screw up chances to play hockey after hs. it toly sucks cause like everyday i lie to everyone i know and love and that just sucks bigtime."

Then there was his comment on Sidney Crosby when he wrote about his favorite hockey players: "someone asked about other guys, like sid the kid. hes amazing but a lil bit too whiny for me." Of course, when I read that I was hooked. ;-)

Now Back To Your Hockey Season, Already In Progress

The Vancouver Olympics are over. The United States won the most medals overall but host Canada won the most gold medals, including the one they needed the most, the men's hockey gold. Team USA gave a great effort, coming from behind to tie the game on a goal by Zach Parise with 25 seconds left to force overtime, only to lose when -- ugh -- Sidney Crosby won it for the Canadians.

Despite the result, it was a great game, a great spectacle, and certainly can't hurt hockey's popularity in the USA. How much will it help? Honestly, I don't know. It's not like hockey is going to become our national pastime. And as great as hockey is in the Olympics, the NHL regular season can never live up to it.

Why? The talent is diluted among 30 teams. The 82-game schedule is bad enough, but when the league shuts down for the Olympics it's really condensed. There are more instances of teams playing on back-to-back nights or three times in four nights. It affects the quality of play. The teams have been sitting around for the better part of two weeks. And for the Olympians, those players could wear down from the extra games. For the Canadian players, having been forced into an elimination game, their "regular season" is now 89 games. And the travel will be worse in 2014, when the games will be held in Sochi, Russia instead of North America.

Unlike in international play, fighting is not only condoned, it's practically encouraged. (By the way, we saw hard hitting throughout the Olympics without one single fight. Any rationale for the allowance of fights in the NHL is, frankly, shot to hell...wait, what's that noise? Why, it's a bunch of angry Flyers fans marching to my door demanding my head on a platter for that comment! Here, I got a picture of them...)

Speaking of those Flyers, they were on a four-game winning streak a couple of weeks ago. They won two huge home-and-home sets, first rallying from a pair of 2-0 deficits to beat New Jersey twice, and then taking two more from Montreal, one of the teams in the Eastern Conference playoff morass. That momentum came to a screeching halt thanks to the league's shutdown. Sure, it might be regained, but the Flyers have had enough trouble being consistent without a two-week vacation thrust upon them. And Mike Richards and Chris Pronger are two of those Team Canada guys who got no rest, with Pronger being 35 years old. That's not good for the Flyers.

The NHL derives little real benefit from stopping for the Olympics. It's great for Olympic hockey but not for the NHL. There may be a ratings increase but it won't be huge, and it won't be enough to get the league a better TV contract. As I stated above, it affects the quality of play, it disrupts the season. It could work if the league cut back the schedule during Olympic years -- or, better, cut the schedule every year -- but the league won't be willing to give up the revenue from those games and the players won't want reduced salaries as a result.

A final decision hasn't been made as to whether NHL players will participate in the 2014 Olympics. The players want to play, the league isn't fully committed. If I had my way, they wouldn't go, but since when do I get my way in these matters?

USA Beats Canada: I Guess "Tarzan Boy" Works After All

In my previous post I made light of one of the choices on the pregame musical playlist of Patrick Kane from the USA Olympic Men's Hockey team (and the Chicago Blackhawks). "'Tarzan Boy'? Really?" I wrote. I find it hard to be inspired with lyrics like these:

Jungle life/We're living in the open
All alone/Like Tarzan Boy
Hide and seek/We play along while rushing
Cross the forest
Monkey business/On a sunny afternoon

But hey, that's just me. It seems to work for Patrick Kane. And the United States team came away tonight with a surprising 5-3 victory over Team Canada -- in Vancouver, making it essentially a road game for the USA -- in the final preliminary game of the Olympic hockey tournament. The USA hadn't beaten Canada in a game at the Olympics since 1960. That year, the USA went on to win a surprise gold medal at Squaw Valley. Twenty years later came the "Miracle on Ice" win over the powerful Soviet Union at Lake Placid that led to another gold.

It's now 50 and 30 years later, respectively, and although these Olympics aren't in the United States they are on the same continent, so perhaps Team USA is due, if not destined to win gold. The win over Canada certainly makes their path easier -- they get an extra day of rest before the quartefinals, while Canada will have to play Germany to get into the quarters, and then are likely to play Russia in the quarterfinal game. Thus, team USA will only have to face one of these two in order to win gold.

The Canadians outshot the Americans* 45-22 but USA goalie Ryan Miller was superb while Canada goalie Martin Brodeur was, well, not. Miller and the USA held on under relentless pressure after a Sidney Crosby goal got Canada within 4-3 with 3:09 left, until Ryan Kesler (at left) scored an empty-net goal with 45 seconds to go. (Ironically, Kesler plays for the Vancouver Canucks so he was a visiting player on his home ice, and Canucks fans have to be conflicted.) Watching those minutes between the Crosby and Kesler goals, I half-expected Canada to tie the game. It was that intense.

*Yes, I'm fully aware that Canadians are technically also Americans, since we're all part of North America.

The thing is, while there's still a talent gap between Canada and the USA, it's not as wide as it used to be. So this isn't like those 1980 and 1960 teams (especially with the NHL players involved). What team USA did tonight was limit their mistakes and capitalize on those made by Canada. Do that, and get quality goaltending as Miller provided, and any game is winnable. So tonight's win is a surprise, but not too much of one.

So team USA wins and I've made my peace with "Tarzan Boy" as inspiration, but I have no idea what the deal is with this picture of Kesler: