SI Conspiracy Confirmed!

Remember when Sports Illustrated kept sending me issues of their magazine even after my subscription expired? Then they sent me the Swimsuit Issue? THIS Swimsuit Issue...

...which they clearly sent me because they wanted to convert me to heterosexuality? Remember how I wrote that they couldn't just send me the issue because it would be too obvious, that they had to keep sending me issues weekly before the week of the Swimsuit Issue to make it look like they mistakenly forgot to stop sending me the magazine?

Well, I now have absolute proof that my theory is correct: since the Swimsuit Issue there have been three more issues of Sports Illustrated, including the newest one (cover date: March 7) and I haven't received any of them.

The verdict: guilty! Sports Illustrated, only the fact that the print industry is in such terrible -- possibly terminal -- condition keeps this court from handing down a harsh sentence. As this is a merciful court, I'm letting you off with a warning. THIS time.

Sports Illustrated Tries To Convert Me!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am here today to prove that Sports Illustrated magazine is a front for a secret ultra-right organization seeking to cure gays of their heterosexuality.

Here are the facts:

• In late December 2010 I used some USAirways Dividend Miles for a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated.
• That subscription's expiration date was January 2011.
• In early January a wraparound attached to the magazine stated: "LAST ISSUE ALERT!" asking me to renew my subscription.
• I did not renew my subscription. See label:

• I have received a new issue of Sports Illustrated in my mailbox each week this month, which is February 2011, not January 2011.
• Today, I received this issue in my mailbox:

SI Swimsuit Issue: Yikes!

I finally got to peruse the copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue that a postal carrier so helpfully left in my mailbox during last week's Snowverkill, and I just have to say...holy crap.

Besides all of the bikini-clad supermodels, many of the ads feature scantily-clad women, on one or two occasions paired with a man, which is shocking. The back cover (both inside and out) features the female Green M&M, and on the inside cover she's peeling off her green shell. There are four wives/girlfriends of international soccer stars in bodypainted swimsuits. How is THIS fashion? The only men seen in any of the photos are in a "Dancing With The Stars" spread featuring athletes, and the men are, of course, fully clothed.

Apparently, however, there must be some female demographic in the readership. There are three men's cologne inserts. (I hate those smelly things, by the way.) One features "Lost" star Josh Holloway (see image), one has a shirtless male model and one has a guy with his little daughter hanging on him from behind. There's also a four-page Perry Ellis ad featuring a male model.

As for articles: for each photo shoot location there's a one-page travelogue, there's a one-page interview of Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn (who is also in swimsuits in this issue), and there's a "humorous" article in which Bar Rafaeli answers questions taken from eHarmony.com and Chemistry.com and the writer analyzes her responses.

I'm fine with all this, but they should really remove the word "Sports" from the title. There's not a drop of sports in this thing.

And, again, where is the all-male swimsuit issue?

Snowverkill and Swimsuits

You may have heard that here in Philadelphia and other parts of the I-95 corridor, we're having a little weather today.

Following December's Snowpocalypse (23.2 inches officially at National Park, NJ -- substituting for Philadelphia International Airport) and this past weekend's Snowmageddon (28.5 inches), the current mess that started last night needed a name. My friend Mark mentioned that it was being referred to as Snoverkill. I added the "w" and made it my goal to see Snowverkill as a trending topic on Twitter. Sure enough, it happened today, at least nationally; I haven't seen it on the Philadelphia list of trending topics, although we do have #ushouldntbeatallstar and #shooturself...

My front steps and a path along the sidewalk in front of my house have been shoveled three times -- my neighbor did it early this morning sometime; I did it a second time around 11 am while there was a lull and just a short coating was on the ground, and a third time around 5:30. In between my two shovelings, over 7 inches of snow fell, and it's still coming down. Less than two minutes after I shoveled the ground was covered again. At 6:45 I measured outside my door -- another two inches already! That would make at least 15 inches in my neighborhood, although it could have been more since early this morning there was a period where the snow mixed with/changed to sleet and rain, which tamps down the snow. (We're under a blizzard warning but the winds haven't been quite as strong as anticipated here, so it may not be officially called a blizzard yet.)