#EverySimpsonsEver -- Day Eleven

Really. It's almost over. One more day after this. (I repeat: stop applauding!)

MUST-SEE!

8/31 12:00 AM ET “The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed” -- The Simpsons join the Flanderseseses on a trip to Jerusalem. Guest stars Sacha Baron Cohen, but not as Borat or Bruno or Ali G.

8/31 5:00 AM ET “MoneyBART” -- Lisa becomes the coach of Bart's Little League team and, using sabermetrics, the team starts winning. Notable for a very unusual opening couch gag from the artist known as Banksy.

8/31 7:30 AM ET “The Fight Before Christmas” -- Formatted more like a Halloween special, with four different Christmas-related dreams, including one with Martha Stewart and another with Katy Perry in a live-action segment featuring the Simpsons characters as Muppet-esque puppets.

8/31 9:00 AM ET “Flaming Moe” -- Not to be confused with "Flaming Moe's," this is one more super-gay-gay-gay episode. With the help of Waylon Smithers, Moe's Tavern becomes Mo's, a trendy gay bar. If you've ever wanted to see Homer and Marge voguing, this is your episode.

8/31 8:00 PM ET “The D’oh-cial Network” -- Lisa creates SpringFace, a social networking site. Featuring a couch gag with David Letterman and a brief bit at the end with Armie Hammer as the Winklevoss twins (just like in "The Social Network"). They're competing in a rowing event at the 2012 London Olympics...against the Bouvier twins, Patty and Selma.

8/31 9:30 PM ET “At Long Last Leave” -- The 500th episode, in which the residents of Springfield vote to evict the Simpsons from the town.

MEH. M-E-H, MEH.

8/31 1:00 AM ET “Chief of Hearts”

8/31 4:00 AM ET “Elementary School Musical”

8/31 4:30 AM ET “Loan-a Lisa”

8/31 6:30 AM ET “The Fool Monty”

8/31 7:00 AM ET “How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?”

8/31 8:00 AM ET “Donnie Fatso”

8/31 8:30 AM ET “Moms I’d Like to Forget”

8/31 9:30 AM ET “Homer the Father”

8/31 1:00 PM ET “The Real Housewives of Fat Tony” -- Fat Tony marries Selma, making her Selma Bouvier-Terwilliger-Hutz-McClure-Stu-Simpson-D'Amico.

8/31 4:30 PM ET “Replaceable You” -- I can't, for the life of me, remember anything about this episode. Even after reading the Wikipedia entry, reading that Jane Lynch appeared in it, I can't remember it at all. Hey, maybe it's a brilliant episode. But I'm gonna say...no.

8/31 7:00 PM ET “Holidays of Future Passed”

8/31 7:30 PM ET “Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson” -- With the utterly repugnant Ted Nugent.

Foster The People!

It seems that Foster The People is playing the Mann Center in June. I think I need to see the concert. Who's going with me?

If you checked out my "2011 in music" post you know that their album "Torches" was one of just four 2011 albums I own. And I wasn't planning on buying it, even though I had heard and liked "Pumped Up Kicks." Then one of the TMZ people I follow on Twitter posted a link to the song "Houdini" on his Tumblr page. (By the way, does anyone think I really need a Tumblr page of my own?) Once I heard it, I knew I was buying the album. And although it's really, really, really early in the year, every track is at the top of my most-played in Tunes since I reset the count.

"Houdini" is currently, and surprisingly, at number two. Here's their performance from the "Live on Letterman" concert:



If you prefer, their "Saturday Night Live" rendition...with special guest Kenny G????



But which song is at number one? That would be "Call It What You Want." Here's the music video:

Where The Oscar Show Went Wrong

It's simple: if you want to be young and hip, it takes more than just hiring young stars to host. I adore James Franco and Anne Hathaway, and I think they had decent chemistry at times, but they were given just awful material to work with, as were the Oscar presenters.

A lot of people on my Twitter feed seemed to think Franco was high. I think they were confusing him with his "Pineapple Express" character. And he spent plenty of time posting videos to Twitter, which I think would be a problem if one is both trying to use a smartphone and host an awards show at the same time. Maybe he was too distracted by Twitter. I just think it was the terrible jokes and banter from the writers. (If Bruce Vilanch had a hand in this, as he often has had in past Oscar shows, perhaps it's time to consider retirement.)

One of the few jokes that worked, and I don't know if it was part of the script or an ad lib, came after Hathaway's little song-and-dance number. Because, he said, "you got to wear a tuxedo," Franco came onstage in drag. He followed that with: "The weird thing is I just got a text message from Charlie Sheen."

The whole reason for Oscar's being is for Hollywood to, metaphorically speaking, fellate itself. They're all there to congratulate each other and kiss each other's ass. There's no room for out there, edgy humor unless they're directing it at themselves (or close friends/coworkers, such as Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law). That's why the Sheen joke went over well:

Quick NON-Review: I'm Still Here

We all became familiar with the story of Joaquin Phoenix and his apparent meltdown -- saying he was quitting acting to pursue a career as a rapper, gaining weight, growing a scraggly beard, acting bizarrely on the Late Show with David Letterman, etc. Some suspected it was a hoax because Casey Affleck was following him around with a camera, documenting everything.

Then it was announced that a documentary called "I'm Still Here," telling the story of Phoenix's seeming descent into madness, with scenes of drug use and hookers included, would be released. Still, there were doubters who were sure that it was a put-on of some kind, but everyone involved kept insisting it was not a hoax.

Until they decided to tell us it was a hoax. With the film now in theaters, Affleck just came clean to the New York Times and Phoenix is slated to return to the Letterman show next week, in a presumably more coherent condition. (Oddly enough, it seems that one of Letterman's writers did an interview in August 2009 in which he said that it was all a hoax and that Dave was even in on the joke. Only now is anyone paying attention to that interview, it seems.)

Super Bowl!

My night watching the Super Bowl had a few surprises in it. First, instead of staying home (and since no one I know threw, or invited me to, a Super Bowl party) I went to the Bike Stop to watch the Super Bowl tonight. This in itself was a surprise because I find myself increasingly disliking crowded bars, even if I'm not there by myself (my friend Kurt was there as well). I was close to leaving early on, which would have meant missing a good chunk of the game while I made the trip home. I managed to stick it out, though.

I stopped for dinner first, because I thought the bar wouldn't be putting out food until halftime. I was wrong. There was food almost as soon as the game began, including some huge buffalo wings -- large enough that they were very messy to eat with one hand (and the other holding the plate) while standing up.

Since I only got there just a minute or two before the game started I didn't see the national anthem. Because it was crowded enough that there was lots of noise and the volume of the TVs wasn't overly high, I couldn't make out most of what was being said. This means I can't really critique the broadcasters or the commercials. I was able to make out a decent amount of the halftime show by the Who. It bored me. It seemed to lack energy. I was surprised that they didn't have people on the field right near the stage acting excited and pretending to be at a real concert. To my surprise, I kinda missed them a little.

Going by visuals only, many of the commercials looked stupid. However, I need to see and hear the one featuring Betty White and Abe Vigoda to judge that one. Just seeing Betty White makes it possible that it was funny. There were two surprises regarding the ads. One was the Coke ad starring the Simpsons (I hadn't heard a thing about it beforehand). The other technically doesn't count as a Super Bowl commercial: the CBS promo for the Late Show with David Letterman, starring Dave, Oprah Winfrey and...Jay Leno! After Dave and Jay sniped back and forth during their monologues during the Conan O'Brien saga, seeing Leno was stunning! I'd love to know how this came about. I got an email from the Late Show with a link to watch it online. I have to say I almost like Jay Leno again just because he was there.

As for the game itself, Super Bowl XLIV was a major surprise. The New Orleans Saints not only won, 31-17 over the Indianapolis Colts, but they did it in style. They came out slowly, gaining little yardage in the first quarter while the Colts moved down the field rather easily. But the Saints only trailed 10-0 and from the second quarter on they played a superb game. I have to give credit to the Saints defense, who mostly held Peyton Manning and the Colts in check after the first quarter. Meanwhile, Drew Brees put together enough offense, throwing for 2 touchdown passes and putting together drives leading to three field goals.

Also give credit to Saints coach Sean Payton. With the Saints trailing 10-3 and having 4th-and-goal at the Colts' 1 with under 2 minutes left in the first half, instead of going for a field goal New Orleans went for the touchdown -- and Pierre Thomas was stacked up short of the goal. At the time I thought it was the wrong decision, but the Colts went three-and-out and had to punt, giving Brees great field position and enough time to get the ball into range for another field goal to end the half.

Then the Saints opened the second half with a shocking onside kick, and recovered the ball. That was the real turning point. Brees marched the Saints 55 yards, finishing with a 16-yard catch-and-run by Thomas to give New Orleans a 13-10 lead; the Colts struck back on the next possession to regain the lead, but from then on they couldn't score again. Garrett Hartley's third field goal got the Saints within 17-16. The Colts' Matt Stover missed a 51-yard attempt, and the Saints responded with a 59-yard drive resulting in a 2-yard TD pass from Brees to Jeremy Shockey. A two-point conversion (initially called an incompletion but reversed by a replay challenge) gave the Saints a 24-17 lead. Indianapolis' next drive ended in the only turnover by either team the entire game: a Peyton Manning pass intercepted by Tracy Porter and returned 74 yards for the clinching score.

Most observers (myself included) expected the Colts to win, and just about everyone expected a real shootout. But while both teams moved well at times (the Saints ended up with 332 net yards' offense to the Colts' 432), there were few long gains on offense -- only three or four that exceeded 20 yards. It was more of a ball-control game, and the Colts' offense, usually so efficient, was stymied tonight.

While I thought the Colts would win, I was hoping the Saints would win (as much as an Eagles fan can root for another team, that is) because one of their players, linebacker Scott Fujita, has been outspoken in favor of equal rights for gays, including marriage. So I'm happy for him, and to some extent for the city of New Orleans, still struggling to recover from Hurricane Katrina.

David Letterman's been a bad boy

A CBS employee has been arrested in connection with an extortion attempt against David Letterman. Letterman told his audience tonight (well, last night, I guess, since it's after midnight), that this person demanded two million dollars in exchange for keeping silent about sexual relationships he had with women who work on his show.

Letterman said he called his lawyer to set up a meeting with the man, who threatened to write a screenplay and a book about Letterman unless he was given money. There were two subsequent meetings with the man, the last one resulting in the check being delivered.

He told the audience that he had to testify before a grand jury on Thursday.

"I was worried for myself, I was worried for my family," he said. "I felt menaced by this, and I had to tell them all of the creepy things that I had done."

"The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who work for me on this show," he said. "My response to that is yes, I have. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Yes, it would, especially for the women."

I was thinking of making the title of this post "David Letterman is a slut" because when women are involved in scandals like this they're generally referred to that way, while men don't get the same treatment. It's not clear, though, how many women are involved or when these affairs happened. He's been with his wife since 1986, although they didn't marry until this past March. They had a son in 2003. Has this relationship been constant, or were there periods that they weren't together? Did he get involved with these employees during breaks in the relationship or did he just cheat?

Something that's weird is that he was targeted before, when a house painter who worked on his ranch in Montana was caught in a plot to kidnap Letterman's son and a nanny and hold them for ransom. Why can't this stuff happen to Jimmy Fallon?