SI Conspiracy Confirmed!

Remember when Sports Illustrated kept sending me issues of their magazine even after my subscription expired? Then they sent me the Swimsuit Issue? THIS Swimsuit Issue...

...which they clearly sent me because they wanted to convert me to heterosexuality? Remember how I wrote that they couldn't just send me the issue because it would be too obvious, that they had to keep sending me issues weekly before the week of the Swimsuit Issue to make it look like they mistakenly forgot to stop sending me the magazine?

Well, I now have absolute proof that my theory is correct: since the Swimsuit Issue there have been three more issues of Sports Illustrated, including the newest one (cover date: March 7) and I haven't received any of them.

The verdict: guilty! Sports Illustrated, only the fact that the print industry is in such terrible -- possibly terminal -- condition keeps this court from handing down a harsh sentence. As this is a merciful court, I'm letting you off with a warning. THIS time.

Sports Illustrated Tries To Convert Me!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am here today to prove that Sports Illustrated magazine is a front for a secret ultra-right organization seeking to cure gays of their heterosexuality.

Here are the facts:

• In late December 2010 I used some USAirways Dividend Miles for a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated.
• That subscription's expiration date was January 2011.
• In early January a wraparound attached to the magazine stated: "LAST ISSUE ALERT!" asking me to renew my subscription.
• I did not renew my subscription. See label:

• I have received a new issue of Sports Illustrated in my mailbox each week this month, which is February 2011, not January 2011.
• Today, I received this issue in my mailbox:

Why Deny Vick's Kids A Puppy?

On Twitter yesterday I posed this question: do you believe in punishing children for the sins of their parents? It may have seemed to come out of the blue, without any context. It was my thought after reading reactions to a comment by Michael Vick in an interview that he would like to own a dog again someday. "I would love to get another dog in the future," he said. "I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process. I think just to have a pet in my household and to show people that I genuinely care, and my love, and my passion for animals." This brought out yet another barrage of hatred directed at Vick, with comments not unlike the "sub-human" comment I talked about in my last Vick post.

Some of the responses this time compared it to a child molester being allowed to have access to kids. I'm sorry, but I think there's a difference between an adult who sexually abuses children and someone running a dogfighting ring, even taking into account that he killed some of the dogs. I abhor anything related to dogfighting, but child sexual abuse is much, much worse.

The fact of the matter is that Vick is not allowed to own an animal while he's still on probation, so for now the point is moot. But what about after that? If he continues on the straight and narrow, if he continues to demonstrate that he's learned his lesson, if he continues to speak out against abuse of animals, is there really a risk if he makes his children's wishes come true and brings them home a puppy one day?

In the recent Sports Illustrated cover story, it mentions that fact, that at least one of his daughters wants a dog and isn't happy that she can't have one. If some people had their way, that little girl would be, in effect, punished for her father's misdeeds.

My Letter To Sports Illustrated

In your new "Strike Zone" feature you've declared it to be in the "cool" zone that two NFL players punched it out on the field, but the fact that Philly fans booed -- "of course," you said -- because the wrecking ball didn't bring down the Spectrum with its first swings is way "outside." Huh?

Forget that the type of booing displayed was in jest, as it is more often than biased national media fools such as yourselves -- always ready to take your typical lazy shots at the great fans of this great city -- care to admit. But you now say that fighting in football is now "cool." In the "Sportsman of the Year" issue, yet. Stay classy, SI.

It's great timing that my subscription expires in January. I don't have to bother to cancel it -- it can just die on its own.

By the way, you totally stole your idea for "The Strike Zone" from Entertainment Weekly's "The Bullseye." (Yes, I know both magazines are part of the same company.) I guess stealing is cool now, too?


Click on the images below for larger views. We'll see if they publish it, and how it's edited if published.

Catching Up With Philly Sports

For some reason I've not written so much on sports lately. Let's fix that now.

Since the playoffs always have priority, we'll start with the Flyers. Since they fell behind Boston 3-0 in Game 7 of their historic Eastern Conference semifinal series, they've outscored their opposition 13-0 -- the four-goal comeback in that game has been followed by 6-0 and 3-0 wins over Montreal in the Eastern finals. In particular in the second game, the Flyers haven't played their best. It is similar to how the Flyers outplayed the Bruins for a sizable portion of the first three games, all won by Boston. Of course, we'll hope this series doesn't reverse itself the way that one did. The Flyers could be getting Ian Laperriere and Jeff Carter back before the end of this series, which would be a huge help.

If the Flyers get two more wins and move on to the Stanley Cup finals, they'd play the winner of the Chicago-San Jose series. The Blackhawks won the first two games at San Jose, putting the Sharks in a huge hole.

Meanwhile, a slight digression:

Some Sports Illustrated Stuff

A week ago tomorrow, the cover of Sports Illustrated featured a headline for an article on baseball's spring training: "The Unlikely Genius Behind the New Moneyball." I wanted to vomit. Wasn't the old Moneyball bad enough? The premise of "Moneyball" -- that a focus on statistics, including newly invented and bizarre statistics, is more important in building a great team than things like scouting, watching games and actually seeing how players perform, not to mention spending lots of money -- has always been flawed. The main practitioner, the Oakland A's under general manager Billy Beane, won a few division titles but never got into a World Series, and haven't been a winning team in the last three years.

So what of this "new" Moneyball? The article itself, while it does delve into some statistical stupidity, actually makes a good point. It features the Seattle Mariners and their GM, Jack Zduriencik, and the team's concentrating on defense, leading to improvement overall (from 61 wins in 2008 to 85 last year). Good defense makes the pitching staff better, and we know how important good pitching is. And what Zduriencik says his team is doing is blending the old and new -- using some statistical analysis while still relying on good scouting. This seems to me like good common sense. With the M's getting Cliff Lee from the Phillies, they should be even better in 2010.

As for the SI that will arrive in my mailbox tomorrow, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that this is the cover:

 

The good news is there's this thing called the Sports Illustrated cover jinx...

SI Swimsuit Issue: Yikes!

I finally got to peruse the copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue that a postal carrier so helpfully left in my mailbox during last week's Snowverkill, and I just have to say...holy crap.

Besides all of the bikini-clad supermodels, many of the ads feature scantily-clad women, on one or two occasions paired with a man, which is shocking. The back cover (both inside and out) features the female Green M&M, and on the inside cover she's peeling off her green shell. There are four wives/girlfriends of international soccer stars in bodypainted swimsuits. How is THIS fashion? The only men seen in any of the photos are in a "Dancing With The Stars" spread featuring athletes, and the men are, of course, fully clothed.

Apparently, however, there must be some female demographic in the readership. There are three men's cologne inserts. (I hate those smelly things, by the way.) One features "Lost" star Josh Holloway (see image), one has a shirtless male model and one has a guy with his little daughter hanging on him from behind. There's also a four-page Perry Ellis ad featuring a male model.

As for articles: for each photo shoot location there's a one-page travelogue, there's a one-page interview of Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn (who is also in swimsuits in this issue), and there's a "humorous" article in which Bar Rafaeli answers questions taken from eHarmony.com and Chemistry.com and the writer analyzes her responses.

I'm fine with all this, but they should really remove the word "Sports" from the title. There's not a drop of sports in this thing.

And, again, where is the all-male swimsuit issue?

Snowverkill and Swimsuits

You may have heard that here in Philadelphia and other parts of the I-95 corridor, we're having a little weather today.

Following December's Snowpocalypse (23.2 inches officially at National Park, NJ -- substituting for Philadelphia International Airport) and this past weekend's Snowmageddon (28.5 inches), the current mess that started last night needed a name. My friend Mark mentioned that it was being referred to as Snoverkill. I added the "w" and made it my goal to see Snowverkill as a trending topic on Twitter. Sure enough, it happened today, at least nationally; I haven't seen it on the Philadelphia list of trending topics, although we do have #ushouldntbeatallstar and #shooturself...

My front steps and a path along the sidewalk in front of my house have been shoveled three times -- my neighbor did it early this morning sometime; I did it a second time around 11 am while there was a lull and just a short coating was on the ground, and a third time around 5:30. In between my two shovelings, over 7 inches of snow fell, and it's still coming down. Less than two minutes after I shoveled the ground was covered again. At 6:45 I measured outside my door -- another two inches already! That would make at least 15 inches in my neighborhood, although it could have been more since early this morning there was a period where the snow mixed with/changed to sleet and rain, which tamps down the snow. (We're under a blizzard warning but the winds haven't been quite as strong as anticipated here, so it may not be officially called a blizzard yet.)