#EverySimpsonsEver -- Day Seven

And on the seventh day, the marathon continues. A few of the episodes I've chosen are probably not entirely must-see, but within the episodes are enough moments of greatness that I don't feel they should be missed. Your mileage may vary.

And while it's not listed below, the Season 13 finale, "Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge," airing at 11:30 am, features one of my favorite all-time lines, one that is just impossible for me to quote in person. In the episode Homer opens his own security firm, leading to this remark to Marge: "You know, I've had a lot of jobs -- boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country/western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe and missionary -- but protecting Springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all."

MUST-SEE!

8/27 2:00 AM ET “A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love” -- Mr. Burns, responding to a fortune cookie written by Homer (one of the jobs listed above), falls in love with a meter maid played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Burns wants Homer's help in winning her heart.

8/27 3:00 AM ET “She of Little Faith” -- An accident that wrecks the church leads to Burns paying for its repair in exchange for things like ads and vibrating recliners. This leads to Lisa becoming a Buddhist.

8/27 5:00 AM ET “Half-Decent Proposal” -- Artie Ziff is now wealthy but still obsessed with Marge. You can sort of guess from the title what happens. And the ending features an adaptation of Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)."

8/27 5:30 AM ET “The Bart Wants What It Wants” -- The Simpsons are going to Toronto! (Marge: "It's so clean and bland...I'm home!")

8/27 7:30 AM ET “Blame It on Lisa” -- The Simpsons are going to Brazil!

8/27 9:00 AM ET “I Am Furious Yellow” -- The Simpsons are going to...oh, sorry. Bart creates Angry Dad, a comic book character (based on Homer, duh) that is turned into an Internet cartoon.

8/27 12:00 PM ET “How I Spent My Strummer Vacation” -- Would you go to a rock-and-roll fantasy camp with instructors Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Lenny Kravitz, Brian Setzer, Tom Petty and Elvis Costello? I would. And so would Homer.

8/27 2:00 PM ET “The Great Louse Detective” -- Someone is trying to kill Homer. Chief Wiggum decides that in order to catch the criminal he needs someone who thinks like a criminal. Hence, Sideshow Bob moves in with the Simpsons. Bob to Homer: "How can one man have so many enemies?" Homer: "I'm a people person!...who...drinks."

8/27 2:30 PM ET “Special Edna” -- Probably my favorite from the latter half of the series' history. Skinner's ineptness at romancing Krabappel leads to Bart nominating her for the Teacher of the Year awards in Orlando, and the Simpsons get to go along. So many good lines.

8/27 5:00 PM ET “I’m Spelling as Fast as I Can” -- Lisa wins the school spelling bee and works her way up to the Spell-lympics, a national contest. Unfortunately, she's asked to lose on purpose.

8/27 6:00 PM ET “Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington” -- Krusty runs for Congress. Not really a realistic episode but the depictions of Fox News are perfect.

8/27 7:30 PM ET “Three Gays of the Condo” -- Going gay again. After a fight with Marge, Homer moves out of the house -- and into Springfield's gayborhood.

8/27 8:00 PM ET “Dude, Where’s My Ranch?” -- More for the beginning, which features Homer trying to write a new Christmas carol (the one Usher stole), which turns into "Everybody Hates Ned Flanders," which -- with David Byrne's production -- becomes a hit so big even Flanders and his boys are singing along.

8/27 11:30 PM ET “The President Wore Pearls” -- A takeoff on "Evita," despite the closing on-screen disclaimer.

MEH. M-E-H, MEH.

8/27 3:30 AM ET “Brawl in the Family”

8/27 4:00 AM ET “Sweets and Sour Marge”

8/27 6:00 AM ET “The Lastest Gun in the West”

8/27 8:30 AM ET “Gump Roast” -- Another clip show...although it does include the song "They'll Never Stop the Simpsons."

8/27 10:30 AM ET “The Frying Game”

8/27 1:30 PM ET “Helter Shelter”

8/27 3:00 PM ET “The Dad Who Knew Too Little”

8/27 8:30 PM ET “Old Yeller-Belly”

Quick Reviews (Oscar Edition): An Education, Precious

Of the 10 Oscar Best Picture nominees, I've now seen eight of them. Both are very good, but only one of them cracked my personal top 10 for 2009.

In "An Education," Jenny, a mature 16-year-old British schoolgirl (Carey Mulligan, deserving of her Best Actress nomination), is diligently on a path to attend Oxford when she has a chance meeting with an older man (Peter Sarsgaard). He is charmed, she is smitten, and some subtle manipulation of her parents allows them to begin seeing more of each other. She is intrigued by his life and his friends. She begins to see this man and his swanky, adult lifestyle, as preferable to the immature schoolmate who fancies her, and to her future at Oxford. How everything plays out held my interest, but how it ends was just a little too pat, keeping it from my top 10. My grade: B-plus.

As for "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire," the story of Claireece Precious Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) is harrowing. Sexually abused by her father and impregnated by him twice (one baby with Down syndrome, a second baby on the way), physically and emotionally abused by her mother Mary (Mo'Nique), with whom she lives in Harlem (the story takes place in 1987), obese and illiterate, there would seem to be no hope for this girl. She's suspended from school when her second pregnancy is discovered, but the principal manages to get her into an alternative school. Precious begins to gain a support system in her new teacher (Paula Patton), a social worker (Mariah Carey -- completely de-glammed and nearly unrecognizable) and a nurse she meets at the hospital where she's given birth to her second child (Lenny Kravitz). It amazed me that by the end of the movie, although the future of Precious and her children is far from certain, it still felt uplifting. Something that amazed me even more is that, as much as Mary is an absolute monster, I felt sorry for her a little. The movie also made me angry, thinking about the kids who are in terrible situations in real life but don't get help the way Precious does. My grade: A.