Quick Reviews: Zero Django

I have five movies to write about but the other three are 2013 releases, so I'm getting these two out of the way first. (By the way, I have a handful more 2012 releases to see, including a couple of Oscar Best Picture nominees, so I'm going to hold off on a best-of-2012 a bit.)

After watching Zero Dark Thirty, which tells a story -- not the story, as there are some details (including names) changed for various reasons -- of the USA's long but eventually successful manhunt for Osama bin Laden after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I was struck with two things that kind of bothered me a bit. And one of those things was not whether the film glorifies the torture used to obtain evidence. It clearly doesn't. It displays it quite graphically but it doesn't really take a side. The film centers around Maya (Jessica Chastain), a CIA officer with a dogged determination to solve the mystery of bin Laden's whereabouts, but she's such a mysterious character -- all we really know about her is she began her CIA career after high school -- that I thought it was difficult to understand her or identify with her. And while there may be artistic merit to the style of shooting the raid on bin Laden's compound, with jittery cameras work, with scenes either dark or seen through night-vision goggles, and no real "money shot" of the actual killing of bin Laden, it also blunts the emotional payoff a bit. It's a very good film but it seems a bit drained of passion. My grade: B-plus.

As for Django Unchained, it fits right into the Quentin Tarantino formula: lots of violence, lots of in-jokes, homages, music, cameos, etc. Where "Inglorious Basterds" was a revenge-on-Nazis fantasy, this one is all about revenge on slave traders and plantation owners. It's so...out there. A German bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) who frees, then teams up with, Django (Jamie Foxx) to collect more bounties before rescuing Django's wife, now owned by plantation owner Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio -- actually a nice change of pace for him, playing a villain instead of a hero). Of course, the plantation is called...wait for it...Candyland. It's just hard to take too seriously, which is fine, but at the same time I almost feel like Tarantino should do a romantic comedy or something, just to challenge himself. My grade: B-minus.

Quick Review: Horrible Bosses

For the first movie I've seen in a couple of weeks, I ended up at "Horrible Bosses." I worked for a couple of truly bad bosses in the past, although when you work for the Social Security Administration that's almost a given. But none of my bosses were quite as bad as those that the three friends in this movie suffer with. Nick (Jason Bateman) works for a guy (Kevin Spacey) who treats him like crap and then doesn't give him an expected promotion. Dale (Charlie Day) is being sexually harassed by his dentist boss (Jennifer Aniston). And Kurt (Jason Sudeikis), well, his boss (Donald Sutherland) is awesome, until he suddenly dies and his son (Colin Farrell, wearing a comb-over and given a pot belly), a cokeheaded, womanizing, obnoxious creep, takes over. The three friends joke about killing their bosses, and then decide to actually do it. And that's where the movie, which had me in stitches to this point, went south for a while. There was a decent gag at the end, but for some reason the humor began to fall flat once they tried to hire an ex-con (Jamie Foxx) to commit the murders. Aniston is great playing against her usual good-girl type, though. I will say that although I laughed much less as the film went on, the rest of the audience enjoyed the second half of the film much more. My grade: B.

Quick Review: Valentine's Day

A movie about a holiday. I can't wait for everyone to get to see the movies "Presidents Day," "Flag Day," "Arbor Day," "National Masturbation Day," and...oh, wait, that last one may have to be rated NC-17...

Anyhoo, "Valentine's Day" didn't annoy me like so many of these romantic comedies do. However, with such a large cast of big-name actors (Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Ashton Kutcher, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway, Shirley MacLaine, Hector Elizondo, Jennifer Garner, Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Emma Roberts, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Queen Latifah, Topher Grace, George Lopez, Kathy Bates) dividing up the screen time with so many storylines and romantic couplings, none of them had a chance to become especially interesting. And it's extremely predictable -- just about every plot twist and relationship change can be figured out immediately. At least they had the good sense to have Eric Dane go shirtless for a bit. (This photo isn't from this movie but you get the general idea.) Without spoiling his storyline, let's just say it depicts something that is often a topic for discussion at Outsports.com. Still, "Valentine's Day" had a few charming moments. Or maybe I'm just going soft...hmmm...that sounds like a plotline for "National Masturbation Day: The Movie." My grade: B-minus

Quick Review: Law Abiding Citizen

I wasn't expecting what I got from "Law Abiding Citizen." The main reason I wanted to see it was because they filmed it here in Philadelphia. I didn't realize it was going to be so much fun despite the cheesy dialogue, some over-the-top acting, and so many plot implausibilities. A man (Gerard Butler) whose wife and daughter are murdered takes the law into his own hands, against both the murderers and the system, including the prosecutor (Jamie Foxx) who cut a deal with one of the murderers. It started a bit slowly, but once the revenge started happening, it got to be a real hoot. I think my favorite moment was when a judge, who had earlier admonished Foxx's character over his cell phone's ringing in the courtroom, answers a cell phone call in her chambers...I won't spoil what happens. I place this movie in the same category as two other 2009 movies, "Obsessed" and "Orphan." Totally stupid fun popcorn movie. Don't think, just enjoy. My grade: B.

By the way, Gerard Butler has a brief moment of rear nudity in the film. Jamie Foxx is not nude in the film, but a full-frontal shot of Foxx hit the Internet in August, and he recently confirmed on the Tonight Show that it's not a fake. You can find that one on your own, but here's a nice, less x-rated photo.

On the Michael Jackson circus

So Jermaine Jackson has moved up to second place on the list of most successful living Jackson sibling recording artists...

Yes, very snarky. I know. You may not want to congratulate him on this if you meet him in person in the near future.

If you're sick and tired of hearing about anything related to Michael Jackson, I apologize for contributing to the barrage. And a barrage it is. Between the radio stations playing his music, the TV networks' coverage, the Internet, the stories continue to pile up as the questions continue to swirl -- about his death, his family, his finances, his music, etc.

Just in the last two days (these are between 12:01 am Sunday morning and 8 pm tonight), Entertainment Weekly's various blogs contain the following Jackson-related posts:

• SMITH magazine asks readers to sum up Jackson's life in six words -- can you do it?
• Jamie Foxx does the Moonwalk at the BET Awards: Fitting tribute?
• Michael Jackson-themed 'American Idol' repeats tonight: Set your DVRs!
• Huey Lewis remembers recording 'We Are the World' alongside Michael Jackson
• Michael Jackson in 'Captain EO': A fellow dancer remembers
• TV Ratings: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett continue to dominate with viewers
• Michael Jackson's final rehearsal: 'He was at his best,' says associate choreographer
• Michael Jackson: LAPD interviews personal physician; second autopsy reportedly completed
• Jackson's former nanny talks about singer's drug use
• Janet Jackson appears at BET Awards
• Michael Jackson: Doctor's lawyer says singer was not injected with Demerol
• Michael Jackson's mother granted temporary custody of his children
• Joe Jackson: 'We're the parents. This is where they belong.'
• Michael Jackson radio play rises an astounding 1,735 percent

And people are crawling out of the woodwork to worm their way into the spotlight. From the aforementioned ex-nanny, to the lawyer who used to work for Jackson making statements on TV shows about Michael's drug usage like "I said one day we're going to have this experience. And when Anna Nicole Smith passed away, I said we cannot have this kind of thing with Michael Jackson...The result was I warned everyone, and lo and behold, here we are," to Al Sharpton, to Flavor Flav (TMZ has shown him on two occasions, including this one, showing up outside the Jackson estate in Encino and leaving a message for Katherine Jackson through the intercom).

I think the biggest weasel, though, has to be Joe Jackson. We haven't heard anything from him in years, and why would we? But now that Michael's dead, he's all over the place making statements and doing interviews. He showed up at the BET Awards and used the occasion to promote a new record label he's starting! As if it has a chance in hell of being successful. What has he ever accomplished that wasn't done on the backs of his children? Has he ever done anything since they all left him and got real management companies?

This is the man whose abuse may be primarily responsible for all of Michael's problems. The physical abuse, the emotional abuse, the loss of anything resembling a normal childhood, all of this may have led to the behavior we saw from Michael, from the plastic surgeries to the child molestation.

And now Joe Jackson will pimp Michael out one more time, posthumously. Someone stop him, please.

One other thing: I recorded the BET Awards show last night. Later I started watching it. The show opened with New Edition performing a Jackson 5 medley. It was a bit ragged vocally but it connected emotionally. Both groups hit it big while they were kids so it was an appropriate tribute. Then host Jamie Foxx hit the stage dressed like Michael from the "Beat It" video. He said it was to be a celebration of Michael's life, then made a cheap remark about Michael's nose and felt the need to emphasize that Michael was "a black man! He belongs to us and we shared him with everybody else." After the second time he yelled at Sean "Diddy" Combs, the second time saying something that was bleeped out, I turned it off and deleted it. It was that horrendous.