Quick Review: Fantastic Four

Well, another Fantastic Four reboot turned out to be a dud. The Fantastic Four is one of the Marvel properties not under control by their own (as well as Disney) movie studios. 20th Century Fox still has the film rights. This issue hasn't stopped most of the X-Men films from being at least pretty good, but FF turned out to be almost schizophrenic in tone. Whether due to scenes deleted from the script before filming, or re-shoots after -- you can find the reports of the issues with the studio and director Josh Trank if you care -- there are times where a little wit and humor tries to make its way in, only to be smothered by the gloomy reboot of how our heroes got their powers and how they're treated afterwards (in this iteration, the evil forces known as corporate greed and the United States military are heavily involved). That would be pretty shabbily, until they're needed to save the world from Doctor Doom, and how that happened was pretty shabby as well.

Besides that, there was a lot of stupidity over the casting of Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm. It basically went like "OMG YOU CAN'T CAST A BLACK GUY AS THE HUMAN TORCH!" Yeah. In 2015...and 2014, when he got the job. (The cast, including Miles Teller, Jamie Bell and Kate Mara, is pretty much wasted, thanks to the script.). Mara, decidedly not black, is Johnny's sister Sue. And what harm was done? None. But I was bothered by one thing. The film also featured their father, played by Reg E. Cathey, an African-American. I thought to myself, early on, "This is nice. They're not making it an issue." A few minutes later it had to be explained, as conversation turns into plot exposition, that Sue was adopted. My grade: D-plus.

Quick Review: The Eagle

No, this is not about one of the hundreds of leather bars named "The Eagle" in countless cities (although, strangely, not in Philadelphia, as we have the Bike Stop instead). This is about a movie. And not just any movie, but the one in which Channing Tatum had hot water scald his penis during filming. Now, I've found it difficult to pick out movies to see lately. Nothing really jumped out. One day I went to the theater and left without seeing anything. Another day I nearly broke down and saw "Yogi Bear" because someone told me it wasn't that bad. (Fortunately, it finally disappeared from my local multiplexes this weekend.) Finally, though, I broke down and bought a ticket to "The Eagle." And it wasn't that bad. Tatum, burned equipment and all, plays a young Roman officer in 140 AD who seeks to solve the mystery of what happened to his father's legion and its standard, the titular bird, both of which went missing in northern Britain 20 years before. After recovering from an injury that resulted in his being honorably discharged, he travels north, accompanied by a British slave (Jamie Bell), and into dangerous territory. Will the two bond during their journey? Will there be fighting and killing (as much as can be shown in a PG-13 movie)? Will there be plot twists? Well, sure. Will the Roman eagle be recovered? That would be telling. Will we see Channing Tatum's scorched member? No. But hey, you can't say he didn't suffer for his art. My grade: C-plus.