#EverySimpsonsEver -- Day Ten

We are coming to the end. (Stop applauding.)

MUST-SEE!

8/30 12:00 AM ET “Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind” -- A Simpsonic take on "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" as Homer can't recall the events of the previous day.

8/30 12:30 AM ET “E. Pluribus Wiggum” -- Springfield moves up its election date (because Homer destroyed the town's fast-food restaurants) and it's now the first primary in the nation. Here come the presidential candidates and the media! And a new candidate: Ralph Wiggum! Pick a winner!

8/30 4:30 AM ET “Any Given Sundance” -- Lisa's school project is a short film about her family. Aspiring film producers Skinner and Chalmers enter it into the Sundance Film Festival. The Simpsons are going to Utah!

8/30 12:00 PM ET “Gone Maggie Gone” -- Not a bad episode, but to be honest I probably wouldn't include it here except for the brief, unexpected appearance of none other than the Phillie Phanatic.

8/30 1:30 PM ET “Eeny Teeny Maya Moe “ -- Moe hits it off with a woman he meets over the Internet. When they meet in person, he learns she's a little person. Will he screw it up? Well, yes. But it's surprisingly sweet.

8/30 9:00 PM ET “Once Upon a Time in Springfield” -- Krusty is forced by the network to add a female character to his show. Princess Penelope (Anne Hathaway) is a hit, which infuriates Krusty until he learns she's a longtime fan, and they fall in love. Anne Hathaway won an Emmy for this.

8/30 10:00 PM ET “Boy Meets Curl” -- Homer and Marge, along with Agnes and Seymour Skinner, compete in a new demonstration sport, mixed curling, at the Vancouver Winter Olympics. (Not surprisingly, the episode aired during the Olympics.) Lisa becomes addicted to collecting Olympic pins. Wikipedia says it was well-received by curlers and Canadians. Also, there's a sighting of a character from The Simpsons Movie...the movie only, not a character that has previously been in the series. And it's not Spider-Pig.

MEH. M-E-H, MEH.

8/30 2:30 AM ET “Dial “N” for Nerder”

8/30 3:00 AM ET “Smoke on the Daughter”

8/30 4:00 AM ET “Apocalypse Cow”

8/30 5:00 AM ET “Mona Leaves-a”

8/30 6:30 AM ET “Lost Verizon”

8/30 7:00 AM ET “Double, Double, Boy in Trouble”

8/30 9:00 AM ET “Mypods and Boomsticks” (The spoofing of Apple was okay. The Homer-fears-new-Muslim-neighbors-are-terrorists plot, not okay.)

8/30 11:30 AM ET “No Loan Again, Naturally”

8/30 2:00 PM ET “The Good, the Sad and the Drugly “

8/30 4:00 PM ET “Coming to Homerica “

8/30 5:30 PM ET “The Great Wife Hope”

8/30 10:30 PM ET “The Color Yellow”

2011 Stanley Cup Finals

So it's Vancouver vs. Boston in the Stanley Cup finals -- not Vancouver vs. Tampa Bay, as I predicted. This makes me 8-6 overall in series predictions, and I continue to be pathetic with my East series picks, now 2-5. Not that the Lightning didn't try. They forced a 7th game in Boston and it was scoreless into the third period of that last game. The fact that the Bruins won that game 1-0 made the ComcastNBCUniversalVersus conglomerate happy, because they'll draw better ratings numbers with the Boston market (as opposed to Boston Market) involved.

But my pick is Vancouver. Why? (Besides the fact that they're a Western team and my picks involving the West have been so much better?)  Because they finally look like they're living up to their potential after dispatching San Jose in 5 games in the Western Conference finals. Because I think they're the deeper team. Because I think Roberto Luongo is still a better goaltender than Tim Thomas. Because I can't stand the thought of yet another championship for the city of Boston. And because if the Canucks don't win this year, Canada -- which hasn't had a Cup winner since 1993 -- may never win a Cup again, even with the Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg and becoming Canada's seventh NHL team. Canucks in 6.

To All The Parks I've Loved Before...

Apologies to Willie and Julio for the title...

I thought I'd dig up something from the archives of the Outsports discussion board. A thread was started in 2002 about favorite major league ballparks. At the time, I had only been to six. I ranked them thusly: Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Dodger Stadium, Yankee Stadium, Veterans Stadium (I made a note that the Vet ranked ahead of the others because of good memories as much as anything else), Qualcomm Stadium and Candlestick Park.

From 2003 through 2008 (during those happy years when I still had spending money) I managed to get to a lot more parks, and updated the list each time. So I thought I'd share my current rankings here on the blog. Ballparks listed in italics have been vacated by the teams that once called them home. Some have been torn down and replaced, others still stand.

Now Back To Your Hockey Season, Already In Progress

The Vancouver Olympics are over. The United States won the most medals overall but host Canada won the most gold medals, including the one they needed the most, the men's hockey gold. Team USA gave a great effort, coming from behind to tie the game on a goal by Zach Parise with 25 seconds left to force overtime, only to lose when -- ugh -- Sidney Crosby won it for the Canadians.

Despite the result, it was a great game, a great spectacle, and certainly can't hurt hockey's popularity in the USA. How much will it help? Honestly, I don't know. It's not like hockey is going to become our national pastime. And as great as hockey is in the Olympics, the NHL regular season can never live up to it.

Why? The talent is diluted among 30 teams. The 82-game schedule is bad enough, but when the league shuts down for the Olympics it's really condensed. There are more instances of teams playing on back-to-back nights or three times in four nights. It affects the quality of play. The teams have been sitting around for the better part of two weeks. And for the Olympians, those players could wear down from the extra games. For the Canadian players, having been forced into an elimination game, their "regular season" is now 89 games. And the travel will be worse in 2014, when the games will be held in Sochi, Russia instead of North America.

Unlike in international play, fighting is not only condoned, it's practically encouraged. (By the way, we saw hard hitting throughout the Olympics without one single fight. Any rationale for the allowance of fights in the NHL is, frankly, shot to hell...wait, what's that noise? Why, it's a bunch of angry Flyers fans marching to my door demanding my head on a platter for that comment! Here, I got a picture of them...)

Speaking of those Flyers, they were on a four-game winning streak a couple of weeks ago. They won two huge home-and-home sets, first rallying from a pair of 2-0 deficits to beat New Jersey twice, and then taking two more from Montreal, one of the teams in the Eastern Conference playoff morass. That momentum came to a screeching halt thanks to the league's shutdown. Sure, it might be regained, but the Flyers have had enough trouble being consistent without a two-week vacation thrust upon them. And Mike Richards and Chris Pronger are two of those Team Canada guys who got no rest, with Pronger being 35 years old. That's not good for the Flyers.

The NHL derives little real benefit from stopping for the Olympics. It's great for Olympic hockey but not for the NHL. There may be a ratings increase but it won't be huge, and it won't be enough to get the league a better TV contract. As I stated above, it affects the quality of play, it disrupts the season. It could work if the league cut back the schedule during Olympic years -- or, better, cut the schedule every year -- but the league won't be willing to give up the revenue from those games and the players won't want reduced salaries as a result.

A final decision hasn't been made as to whether NHL players will participate in the 2014 Olympics. The players want to play, the league isn't fully committed. If I had my way, they wouldn't go, but since when do I get my way in these matters?

USA Beats Canada: I Guess "Tarzan Boy" Works After All

In my previous post I made light of one of the choices on the pregame musical playlist of Patrick Kane from the USA Olympic Men's Hockey team (and the Chicago Blackhawks). "'Tarzan Boy'? Really?" I wrote. I find it hard to be inspired with lyrics like these:

Jungle life/We're living in the open
All alone/Like Tarzan Boy
Hide and seek/We play along while rushing
Cross the forest
Monkey business/On a sunny afternoon

But hey, that's just me. It seems to work for Patrick Kane. And the United States team came away tonight with a surprising 5-3 victory over Team Canada -- in Vancouver, making it essentially a road game for the USA -- in the final preliminary game of the Olympic hockey tournament. The USA hadn't beaten Canada in a game at the Olympics since 1960. That year, the USA went on to win a surprise gold medal at Squaw Valley. Twenty years later came the "Miracle on Ice" win over the powerful Soviet Union at Lake Placid that led to another gold.

It's now 50 and 30 years later, respectively, and although these Olympics aren't in the United States they are on the same continent, so perhaps Team USA is due, if not destined to win gold. The win over Canada certainly makes their path easier -- they get an extra day of rest before the quartefinals, while Canada will have to play Germany to get into the quarters, and then are likely to play Russia in the quarterfinal game. Thus, team USA will only have to face one of these two in order to win gold.

The Canadians outshot the Americans* 45-22 but USA goalie Ryan Miller was superb while Canada goalie Martin Brodeur was, well, not. Miller and the USA held on under relentless pressure after a Sidney Crosby goal got Canada within 4-3 with 3:09 left, until Ryan Kesler (at left) scored an empty-net goal with 45 seconds to go. (Ironically, Kesler plays for the Vancouver Canucks so he was a visiting player on his home ice, and Canucks fans have to be conflicted.) Watching those minutes between the Crosby and Kesler goals, I half-expected Canada to tie the game. It was that intense.

*Yes, I'm fully aware that Canadians are technically also Americans, since we're all part of North America.

The thing is, while there's still a talent gap between Canada and the USA, it's not as wide as it used to be. So this isn't like those 1980 and 1960 teams (especially with the NHL players involved). What team USA did tonight was limit their mistakes and capitalize on those made by Canada. Do that, and get quality goaltending as Miller provided, and any game is winnable. So tonight's win is a surprise, but not too much of one.

So team USA wins and I've made my peace with "Tarzan Boy" as inspiration, but I have no idea what the deal is with this picture of Kesler:

My iTunes Shuffle Baker's Dozen 2-21-10

Just a few minutes away from the USA-Canada Olympic hockey game. Consider this a warm-up playlist, although not quite the same as Team USA's Patrick Kane. ("Tarzan Boy"? Really? I love the song but I don't know that it would be on my list of songs to get me psyched for a big game.)

40 Years Back/Come - Röyksopp
Gimme Shelter - The Rolling Stones
Missing (CL McSpadden Unreleased Powerhouse Mix) - Everything But The Girl
Someday We'll Be Together - Diana Ross and the Supremes
Phone Sex (Do You Want Me Tonight?) - Sandra Bernhard
The Very Thought Of You - Lisa Stansfield
I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters
Anytime - Brian McKnight
Strangelove - Depeche Mode
A Fool Is Born Everyday - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
Brother, Brother - Carole King
The Lady's Got Potential - Antonio Banderas (Evita - Complete Motion Picture Soundtrack)
Love Foolosophy - Jamiroquai

Another reason Canada rules, USA drools

There's a free preview of the NHL Center Ice game package. Until October 24th I've got 14 channels showing out-of-market NHL games. When there aren't too many games, they'll carry both teams' feeds. Tonight there's only one game: Columbus at Vancouver. So I'm watching the Vancouver feed, and during a commercial break there's an ad for the local lottery. In British Columbia (and perhaps other Canadian provinces as well), local residents can play the lottery online. They can play the usual daily number games and the national Lotto (think Powerball or MegaMillions), plus Keno, "Pacific Hold-em" Poker and even sports betting. And they can do it all online.

Try playing a lottery number online in Pennsylvania. Buy a Powerball ticket online? Not here. As for sports betting, well, as David Letterman said the other night, do you feel like a little story?

This year the state of Delaware announced a plan to begin single-game wagering on sports. The Delaware Park racetrack and slots parlor spent lots of money to open up a sports book like those in Las Vegas casinos. A federal law passed in 1992 banning sports gambling exempted Delaware because, in 1976, they ran a game in which you could place parlay bets -- meaning, you had to pick winners in at least 3 games -- on NFL games. It was such a failure that they ended the game within a year.

The major pro sports leagues and the NCAA filed lawsuits to stop Delaware's sports betting, and a Federal appeals court put a halt to Delaware's plan. The court ruled that the law states that the exemption is limited to the parlay betting game previously run by the state, and no other type of sports wagering. So the state (which was depending on revenue from sports betting to help balance the budget) and the racetrack (which now has a sports book that's practically useless) are screwed. They did go ahead with a new version of the game they tried in 1976. I doubt it will be much more successful than the old one.

It's the NFL's stance that is particularly hypocritical. Football wouldn't be as popular without the betting (both legal and illegal) that revolves around the sport. The point spreads are widely available, even on shows by the TV networks carrying NFL games. The multitude of betting odds given on the Super Bowl -- even extending to things like the length of the national anthem -- give the game even more hype than it gets on its own. If the league is so concerned with gambling, why is ESPN and NBC and Fox allowed to hype the point spreads on their shows and websites? Why doesn't the NFL try and get a law passed to shut down the Vegas sports books?

Whether it's sports betting and buying lottery tickets online or including a public option in health care reform, the question is the same: if Canada can do it, why can't the United States of America do it?

Oh, those crazy Canadians!

Here's a YouTube video of Adam Lambert, "American Idol" runner-up, having a sex toy thrown at him while singing Led Zeppelin at the Idol tour show in Hamilton, Ontario. Forward to the 2:10 mark if you don't want to listen to the entire song:



See, this is what happens when we Americans try to spread culture amongst the savages in foreign lands. Keep "American Idol" in America, dammit!

I could be on ESPN someday!

Earlier today I turned on the TV to watch the baseball game of the week on Fox, but before I got to it I found something on ESPN called "The Border Battle." Apparently it was the first-ever game between teams of what the announcers described as "elite players" from the USA and Canada...in men's slow-pitch softball! I don't know how these players were determined to be elite, but now I have something to shoot for in my own softball career.

The game was played in Oklahoma City at the ASA (Amateur Softball Association) Hall of Fame Complex, in between games of an event called the World Cup of Softball, featuring some of the top women's fast-pitch teams. So the field they were playing on, unlike the adequate-at-best fields in Fairmount Park that the City of Brotherly Love Softball League uses, was pristine and had an outfield fence. Thus, in the men's game they had a rule that a team can hit no more than 10 home runs in a game. After that, any balls hit over the fence are considered outs.

When I turned on the game, Canada had a 16-8 lead going into the bottom of the fourth. The USA then sent 21 batters to the plate and scored 17 runs, to move ahead 25-16. However, by that point in the game they were already up to 9 homers, and the announcers were worried that too many of those home runs had one or no runner on base when they were hit. With the 10-homer limit it's considered wise to hit as many as 3-run bombs or grand slams as possible.

However, it turned out not to matter as Canada was retired in order in the 5th, and team USA scored some more, threatening to hit the 15-run lead required for the game to end under a mercy rule. The USA eventually got its 10th homer and one ball over the fence for an out after that, but were able to finish off a 30-23 win.

I was surprised to see slow-pitch softball on ESPN, but at least it's a sport, sort of, instead of yet another poker show.