The "Mikey" Blog: Reality vs. Internet "Reality"

You may be surprised to learn that this post isn't about TV shows such as "The Real World" or "Survivor" or, God help us, "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew." This is about reality as found, or not found, on the Internet.

Back in December, an item was posted on the Outsports.com Jock Talk Blog about a blog written by a closeted 17-year old guy who was a high school hockey player in the Minneapolis area. "Mikey" wrote about his life, being closeted to all except his younger brother and his best friend, and about hockey.

"Mikey" wrote his posts as if he were texting, often abbreviating and being very...casual...about punctuation, spelling, etc. For example: "ive pretty much known i was gay for awhile but tried to ignore it for a long time but its just hard to do it. i told [a friend] and my lil bro this summer and there the first to know bout me, i wish i could tell everyone but im chicken and scared that bein out would screw up chances to play hockey after hs. it toly sucks cause like everyday i lie to everyone i know and love and that just sucks bigtime."

Then there was his comment on Sidney Crosby when he wrote about his favorite hockey players: "someone asked about other guys, like sid the kid. hes amazing but a lil bit too whiny for me." Of course, when I read that I was hooked. ;-)

I began reading "Mikey's" blog on a regular basis, and made the occasional comment as well. (And I wasn't the only one: the post on the Outsports blog drew a large audience to his site, and attention from other sites. At one point he was interviewed on a podcast.) At times the posts were typical teenage stuff -- school, movies, pizza -- while at other times it was more poignant. "Mikey" wrote about how he came out to his best friend and his younger brother, related stories about his family life and his relationship with his dad and older brother, talked about being gay and not being ready to come out, even after he got to college (where he was working towards a scholarship to play hockey at a Division I NCAA school).

After a while, on the Feedjit box on my blog -- the box I talked about in this post which shows the live traffic feeds -- I started seeing listings of visitors to my blog that were coming from the "Mikey" blog. It turns out that he had put me on a list of "Blogs I Like." I was pleasantly surprised and flattered.

Weeks passed and it seemed like more and more people were commenting on "Mikey's" blog posts, and then talking back and forth to each other. One of the regulars, Jimmy, a 23-year-old Canadian, was particularly popular due to his quick sense of humor. That led to Outsports asking him to write some posts for their Vancouver Olympics blog. Another, Madeleine, also from Canada, a 19-year-old college student, is a staunch supporter of equal rights for gays.

Most importantly, there were any number of comments from other gay kids. Kids who also played sports and were gay, and who thought they were alone and had no one who really understood them. A few even said they had suicidal thoughts at times. Now, they found "Mikey," and through "Mikey" they found each other. A community was born. These kids talked to each other, and to the others who participated in discussions, offering advice or support or protection or just had fun. A number of them even started their own blogs. One kid found the courage to come out to his parents.

This community also helped each other cope after the tragic accident that took the life of someone else they identified with: Brendan Burke, the team manager for the Miami (Ohio) hockey team, himself a former hockey player who was gay (and came out to his father, Toronto Maple Leafs general manager Brian Burke, and his family, and then to the world via ESPN.com).

The webmasters of "Mikey's" blog site, who had donated the host site and their services (the site was originally on Blogger.com) because they saw how much these kids were being helped, then began a discussion board, dubbed "Mikey Nation." This provided an outlet for any topic that someone wanted to bring up, without worrying that a post "Mikey" had written about wasn't the place to comment on a different subject.

Then, reality intruded.

This past weekend the "Mikey" site was taken down, except for messages from Jimmy and Madeleine and a follow-up from the webmasters. Jimmy wrote that he learned that "Mikey" -- with whom he had, unbeknownst to most of "Mikey Nation," fallen in love (if I read correctly "Mikey" was actually 18 and not 17, and changed his age for the blog), and developed a relationship with, as much as you can do without actually meeting in person -- was actually a man in his 40s. The statements of both Jimmy and Madeleine (who had become close enough with Jimmy and "Mikey" that they told her of their relationship -- again, as much as you can become close without actually meeting) were wracked with anguish. The blog was taken down, although most of it was archived because a number of the discussions were thought to be too important to lose. Same with the discussion board -- moved to a different site and kept alive for everyone to talk to each other.

Unfortunately, reality intruded again.

After Jim Buzinski wrote about the situation on the Outsports blog, hysteria took over in the comments. Some demanded that Outsports investigate the story, seeing as how they were "pimping" the "Mikey" blog and other blogs from closeted athletes. Others threatened to contact the attorney general and other law enforcement officials. There were calls for Jimmy and Madeleine to more fully explain what happened. Some decided that the whole hoax was perpetrated by Jimmy and/or Madeleine, or someone else pretending to be Jimmy and/or Madeleine.

There was a discussion about technology that could allow "Mikey" to change the sound of his voice so he could sound like a 17-year-old on the aforementioned podcast, and disagreement as to whether he sounded like a 17-year-old or a 40-year-old. Some are choosing to believe that "Mikey" is actually what he claimed to be, but decided to put an end to the site because someone discovered his true identity and threatened to out him, or because he feared being outed. Many of the comments have been ugly. There's a real sanctimonious streak in people who claimed all along that they knew it was a hoax, and now they're dancing on the grave.

The most horrifying thing for me was how this affected the kids who came together as part of "Mikey Nation." They thought they found someone like them, someone they could identify with, relate to, even trust. That trust has now been shattered. Worse, the calls for investigations and the threats to contact law enforcement not only led to the "Mikey" webmasters entirely removing the blog archive, but the discussion board as well. And two or three of the people inspired by "Mikey" to start their own blogs have decided to stop writing for a while, at least, or deleted their blogs entirely, scared by the thought that they could be outed because law enforcement might come after them to ask questions about "Mikey."

I can't imagine what these kids are feeling, not knowing who to trust. They've lost their outlet, they've lost their inspiration, they've temporarily lost each other. There are some keeping in touch through Madeleine's blog and others, but other people are probably just staying away. It will surely take time for the wounds to heal. And to be sure, there are a lot more resources -- online as well as in real life -- for gay youth today. Still, this was a unique place for these kids, and now it's gone.

What is the "reality" here?

I never would have guessed that "Mikey" was a fake. Everything about it seemed real -- the stories about his life, the text-style writing -- and when I read the messages on the site Saturday I was stunned.

The thing is, it's all too easy to pretend to be someone else or to make claims about others on the Internet. Many times I've read comments on a discussion board or chat room or other site say "I know (insert name of celebrity) is gay/alcoholic/drug addict/wife-beater because I/my wife/my boyfriend/my second cousin/neighbor's co-worker's niece slept with/drank with/did drugs with/saw him/her." Sometimes the stories seem a little plausible. Other times it's obvious the storyteller is lying. How is anyone supposed to know?

How many people make up phony details about themselves on dating websites? How many post pictures on their profiles that aren't accurate -- they're pictures of themselves when they were 20 years younger and/or 20 pounds thinner, or are pictures of someone else? How many pedophiles pretend to be kids to try and attract victims? Hell, the police pretend to be kids to try and catch the pedophiles.

How is anyone supposed to know who is real and who isn't? The fact is, there's just no way to be absolutely sure. None. The only thing you can do is be very careful. Unfortunately, people can and will get burned. You have to look at the details and use your best judgment. For example, if I told you I'm a wealthy 27-year old, 195-lb. hottie with an athletic build, who constantly has front-row seats at concerts and ballgames and is a regular at all the hot parties, meeting celebrities, etc., you would be smart to be skeptical.

On the other hand, if I tell you I'm 48 years old, weigh 234 lbs, with a less-than-tight body and graying hair, who's still unemployed and so in debt that even buying the cheapest ticket to a baseball game has to be a rare treat and not a regular occurence, and who spends way too much time at home watching TV or surfing the Internet or writing a blog...well, you should still be a little skeptical. But, which is more plausible? Which seems more real? Or "real"?

As far as this "Mikey" hoax is concerned, the way I look at it is, it seemed real. It wasn't. But, not being a young kid with a similar story, not having ever been in much communication with "Mikey" to know anything more than what was on the blog, I am not really a victim here. I didn't lose anything -- there was no attempt to separate me from my meager money or property, or to take advantage of me sexually or in any other way. In fact, that's one of the details that made "Mikey" plausible -- there were no stories about locker-room orgies or screwing around with a teammate or anything sexual.

Again, you have to use your best judgment. I don't know Jimmy or Madeleine. I only "know" them from their appearances of Mikey's site or Jimmy's Outsports blog posts or Madeleine's blog. I have no way of proving they are who they say they are, or that things went down the way they claim. However, I have chosen to take them at their word. I'm willing to believe that Jimmy fell in love over the Internet with someone he thought was an 18-year-old hockey player but is actually a lying creep in his 40s. My ex-boyfriend fell in love over the Internet (after we we no longer a couple, and beyond that the details are wildly different than Jimmy's but worth telling if I ever meet you in person). I'm willing to believe that Madeleine, so passionate about gay rights and helping gay kids where she can, was equally duped, as were the webmasters who hosted the site.

I believe this because, as I mentioned, there was no one asking for money or trolling for sex on the site. I see no real criminal behavior here. There was bad behavior -- really shitty behavior -- but not criminal behavior. And I don't know why I'd believe there'd be a double or triple hoax. I can believe someone created an Internet persona, and maybe it got out of hand because Outsports picked up on it, but I can't believe someone would create one hoax and then add a hoax on top of it, with the help of co-conspirators.

I don't know the full story, but based on the information I have I've decided to give Jimmy and Madeleine the benefit of the doubt. This doesn't mean I'm right or wrong about them, but I'm not going to feed into the hysteria. And for the sake of those gay kids caught up in all of this crap, no one else should feed into it.

And this doesn't mean I'm not going to be careful. As I said, it's impossible to know for sure if someone is lying about themselves. But I've met a lot of people in real life that I previously only knew through the Internet. I've met a lot of people through Outsports, and others through a celebrity gossip discussion board. I've made actual friends through Internet connections. It's not impossible.

Even in the "reality" of the Internet, there is reality to be found.

Geez, I've been writing this for the past 2 hours. I haven't even checked out my Twitter or Facebook yet. Usually that's the second thing I do when I go online, after checking emails. What does that tell you about me and my life?