My Best/Worst 2012 Films, Oscar Rankings

Sure, it's 55 days into 2013 but why not take a trip back in time with me? Since I've finally seen all of the Oscar nominees for Best Picture, and I don't think there are any more 2012 releases that I'm going to see -- if any I haven't seen are even still in theaters -- it's time for my top ten of the sixty films (up by 6 from last year) I got to see. But first...

My Bottom 5 of 2012

5. Men in Black 3 -- An extremely tired sequel.
4. This Means War -- The worst rom-com and there's no Katherine Heigl or Gerard Butler in sight.
3. Silent House -- So bad I couldn't remember what it was about until I checked Wikipedia, and then it all came back to me.
2. Les Miserables -- I think I hated "Silent House" worse but I walked out of this one. But I did stay to the end of THE worst film of 2012...
1. Rock of Ages -- I will never understand why the film version, with the female lead's character named Sherrie, didn't bother to include the song "Oh Sherrie." Never. That song might have saved this from my only F of 2012...umm, probably not...

My Top 10 of 2012

Quick Reviews: Identity Amour Beasts

Finally got my last two Oscar Best Picture nominees in the books. So after this post you'll finally get my best/worst of 2012 (only two months late!) and my ranking of the Best Pictures.

I was very disappointed by Identity Thief. The trailer seemed promising but the film didn't live up to expectations. Jason Bateman's character (the identity theft victim) was just too stupid; that was established in the opening scene, which showed how the theft occurred -- basically, he gave it away. And I like Melissa McCarthy, but her character was just a series of weight/looks jokes with motives that were inconsistent. Is she really a bad person or a victim of her childhood? After her star-making turn in "Bridesmaids," she'd better look at her scripts more carefully. My grade: D-plus.

The story in Amour is meant to be heartbreaking. An elderly woman (Emmanuelle Riva) suffers a stroke that leaves her partially paralyzed, and her husband (Jean-Louis Trintignant) takes care of her at their Paris apartment to honor her wish not to go into a hospital or nursing home. He struggles more and more as her condition deteriorates. It's well-acted but takes a jarring and then confusing turn near the end that kind of ruined it a little for me. My grade: B-minus.

I'm still puzzling a little over Beasts of the Southern Wild, to be honest. When I first finished watching it (note: for time-saving purposes I bought it on pay-per-view instead of seeing it in the theater) I was glad it was over, but upon some reflection I find my initial reaction was wrong. At first it reminded me of "Winter's Bone" in that it takes place in a very poor community -- this one's set in a part of the Louisiana bayou called "The Bathtub" that's cut off from everyone else by a levee. However, the fantasy element (the "aurochs," behemoths frozen in the ice caps long ago but freed by global warming) distracted from the story of the little girl (Quvenzhane Wallis), her ailing father, their impoverished but happy and self-sufficient community and the threat of destruction from a coming storm. Perhaps I'm missing the symbolism or something. My grade: B.

My iTunes Shuffle Baker's Dozen 2-22-13

Haven't made one of these posts in a while, so here it is. I have a complaint, though: the new iTunes is not great. Specific to this post, I can't find an icon to begin a shuffle right away when I open iTunes. If I click the Play button it begins with the first song in my library. In order to begin with a random song, I have to go to the Menu bar and click Control - Shuffle - Turn On Shuffle. Three steps instead of one. Really stupid.

Payphone - Maroon 5
Vibes - Inner City
Exhale (Shoop Shoop) - Whitney Houston
Season of the Witch - Lou Rawls
System - Seal
Don't Release Me (Wyclef Jean Remix) - Gloria Estefan
Somebody Told Me - The Killers
Why Can't We Live Together - Sade
Another Night - Aretha Franklin
Nothing Fails (Nevins Mix) - Madonna
50 Candles - Boyz II Men
Jupiter (Edit) (From The Planets) - Andre Previn; London Symphony Orchestra
The Captain - Kasey Chambers

Quick Reviews: 43 Gangster Bodies

And we move into 2013 releases (although there are still a few 2012 films I'll try to see, a couple of Oscar Best Picture nominees in particular). I'll discuss these in reverse order of the names in the title.

With the "Twilight" films finished, Hollywood brings us another version of the strange-love-between-human-and-other genre, Warm Bodies. Instead of human girl-vampire (or werewolf) romance, we have human girl-zombie romance. After some sort of apocalyptic events (cue the USA Today with the front page headline "The End?" that I swear I've seen in multiple films), zombies wander around in search of human flesh and brains to eat. One such zombie, R (Nicholas Hoult), narrates, explaining that he can't remember his full name or anything of his life. The zombies can barely grunt and moan, let alone communicate. Meanwhile, the survivors have fortressed (is that a word?) themselves and occasionally send out scout parties of young people to find medicine and other items in short supply behind the giant walls. On such a run, Julie (Teresa Palmer) is nearly caught by a zombie pack until being rescued by R, who became smitten with her instantly. R begins to regain some humanity as he falls for her, but her father (John Malkovich) is convinced there's no way a zombie can recover, so...see what we have here? R and Julie...Romeo and Juliet. Spoiler alert? (I didn't come up with that on my own, to be honest.) At any rate, there's some humor and cleverness to it. Certainly more than in the "Twilight" films. My grade: B.

Gangster Squad is almost like a cartoon. That's not really meant as a compliment. The story of a war between a mob boss and a police unit (loosely based on an actual squad) that's kept "off the books" so they can do things regular cops can't do, such as shoot and kill an unarmed mobster, in 1949 Los Angeles is a violent but simple story, with characters that are pretty much walking cliches. Ryan Gosling (as a cop) seems to be having a ball, but Sean Penn (as the mob boss, Mickey Cohen) brings nothing but histrionics. As good as Penn was in "Milk," that's how awful he is here. And Emma Stone as Cohen's girlfriend, who falls for Gosling's character, isn't at all believable in the role. This grade would be lower without Gosling. My grade: C.

As for Movie 43, after sitting through over a dozen gruesomely awful, disgusting, not remotely funny tales tied together by a movie pitch, featuring all kinds of big names (Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Halle Berry, Terrence Howard, just to name a few), just after the credits began to roll, there was one final story, in which an animated cat is jealous of the girlfriend (Elizabeth Banks) of his owner (Josh Duhamel). You might be happy that it includes pictures of Duhamel in a swimsuit, until you see said animated cat masturbating while looking at the photos. Every one of these stars should apologize for this garbage. The only person who didn't leave a negative impression on me was, believe it or not, Snooki. Of course, that's because, in the barrage of excrement that was this waste of celluloid, I didn't even notice Snooki until her name showed up in the credits. My grade: F.

ALL Of My Movie Grades

I had an idea the other day. I've decided to consolidate my movie grades from the past few years into one post. Instead of creating a new post every year, I'm going to use this one post for every year.

(Oooh, just had another idea: with grades going back to 2009, perhaps in early 2014 I can compile a list of the best and worst films I've seen over the previous five years.)

So I suppose you could bookmark this page if you're really interested. At any rate, the grades follow the jump...

2016

A+: Zootopia,
A: Captain America: Civil War

A-: Deadpool, Sing Street
B+: The Nice Guys, Ghostbusters (2016 remake)
B: Hail, Caesar!, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Money Monster, Central Intelligence, Finding Dory, Bad Moms, Jason Bourne
B-: 

C+: The Boss, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, War Dogs
C: Suicide Squad, Star Trek Beyond
C-: X-Men: Apocalypse, The Secret Life of Pets

D-: Sausage Party

F:

2015

A+: Spotlight
A: Tomorrowland, Inside Out, Mr. Holmes. Amy, Creed

A-: Spy, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, Trainwreck, The Peanuts Movie, Krampus

B+: Marvel's Avengers: Age of Ultron, Love and Mercy, The Gift, American Ultra, The Visitt

B: Mad Max: Fury Road, Marvel's Ant-Man, Straight Outta Compton, The Martian, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Concussion

B-: Jurassic World, Minions, The Man From U.N.C.L.E, The Intern, Spectre, Joy, The Big Short

C+: The Lazarus Effect, Pitch Perfect 2, Magic Mike XXL, Vacation, Ricki and the Flash, Paper Towns, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, Sisters

C: Hot Pursuit

D+: Fantastic Four

D: Terminator: Genisys
F: The Night Before

2014

A: The Lego Movie

B+: Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier

B: Muppets Most Wanted, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Guardians of the Galaxy, American Sniper

B-: Anchorman 2, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, The Giver, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1
C+: 22 Jump Street, Interstellar, Into the Woods

2013 

A: This is the End, The Heat, Gravity, Saving Mr. Banks
A-: Despicable Me 2
B+: 42, 21 and Over, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Wolverine, We're The Millers, Elysium, The World's End, American Hustle, The Dallas Buyers Club
B: Warm Bodies, Oblivion, Oz the Great and Powerful, The Call, The Croods, Man of Steel, Monsters University, 2 Guns, Lee Daniels' The Butler, The Conjuring, Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, Thor: The Dark World, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
B-: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Mama
C+: Admission, Escape from Planet Earth, The Internship, The Great Gatsby, Iron Man 3, World War Z, Pacific Rim, You're Next
C: Gangster Squad, Carrie, Frozen
C-: The Purge, Don Jon, Machete Kills
D+: Identity Thief, Pain and Gain, The Lone Ranger, Paranoia, Kick-Ass 2
D: Scary Movie 5, After Earth, The Bling Ring
F: Movie 43, Spring Breakers, The Counselor

2012

A+: Argo
A: The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Skyfall, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Lincoln
A-: 21 Jump Street, Brave, ParaNorman, Pitch Perfect
B+: Chronicle, Friends With Kids, Hit and Run, Frankenweenie, Wreck-It Ralph, Zero Dark Thirty
B: Dr. Seuss' The Lorax, The Hunger Games, The Campaign, Premium Rush, Looper, Flight, Silver Linings Playbook, Life of Pi, Parental Guidance, Beasts of the Southern Wild
B-: Snow White and the Huntsman, The Amazing Spider-Man, Hope Springs, House at the End of the Street, This Is 40, Django Unchained, Amour
C+: The Woman In Black, The Cabin In The Woods, Sparkle, Taken 2, Rise of the Guardians, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Promised Land
C: The Guilt Trip
C-: Mirror Mirror, The Dictator, Dark Shadows, Magic Mike, Total Recall, The Bourne Legacy, Hotel Transylvania
D+: The Three Stooges, Prometheus, Seven Psychopaths, Cloud Atlas, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2
D: Men in Black 3
D-: This Means War, Silent House, Les Miserables
F: Rock of Ages

2011

A: Drive
A-: Bridesmaids, Kung Fu Panda 2, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Descendants
B+: Rango, The Adjustment Bureau, Cedar Rapids, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, Crazy, Stupid, Love., Captain America: The First Avenger, Friends with Benefits, Our Idiot Brother, The Muppets, Puss In Boots
B: No Strings Attached, Paul, The Lincoln Lawyer, Hanna, Thor, Everything Must Go, X-Men: First Class, Super 8, Bad Teacher, Horrible Bosses, 50/50, The Ides of March, Young Adult
B-: Hall Pass, Limitless, Moneyball, Tower Heist, J. Edgar
C+: The Eagle, Source Code, Scream 4, Green Lantern, The Change-Up, What's Your Number. A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows
C: Something Borrowed, Contagion
C-: I Am Number Four, Gnomeo & Juliet, Battle: Los Angeles, Your Highness, Abduction
D+: Take Me Home Tonight, Paranormal Activity 3, New Year's Eve
D: The Green Hornet, The Roommate
D-: The Dilemma

2010

A: Toy Story 3
A-: Date Night, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, Despicable Me, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Social Network, Black Swan
B+: Daybreakers, She's Out Of My League, Kick-Ass, Inception, The Kids Are All Right, Going the Distance, Easy A, Love and Other Drugs, 127 Hours, True Grit, The King's Speech, Winter's Bone
B: Youth In Revolt, The Book Of Eli, Shutter Island, The Crazies, Death At A Funeral, How To Train Your Dragon, Get Him to the Greek, Predators, Salt, The Other Guys, Red, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows-Part 1, Megamind, Burlesque, The Fighter
B-: Valentine's Day, Alice In Wonderland, Hot Tub Time Machine, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Killers, Splice, Grown Ups, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Vampires Suck, The Switch, Paranormal Activity 2, Hereafter, Morning Glory, Tron: Legacy
C+: Cop Out, The Back-Up Plan, Iron Man 2, Eat Pray Love, You Again
C: Leap Year, Our Family Wedding, Repo Men, Shrek Forever After, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
C-: The Bounty Hunter, Life As We Know It, How Do You Know
D+: When In Rome, The Wolfman, Sex And The City 2
D: Legion, Dinner For Schmucks
D-: From Paris With Love, I Love You Phillip Morris
F: Due Date

2009

A: I Love You, Man; Away We Go; Bruno; Fantastic Mr. Fox; Up In The Air; Precious
A-: Star Trek; Outrage; Up; (500) Days Of Summer; Humpday; Julie & Julia; Paranormal Activity; It's Complicated
B+: Confessions Of A Shopaholic; Coraline; Duplicity; State Of Play; Drag Me To Hell; The Proposal; Make The Yuletide Gay; District 9; Adam; Zombieland; Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs; Where The Wild Things Are; Invictus; An Education
B: Taken; Watchmen; Observe & Report; Obsessed; The Brothers Bloom; Orphan; Extract; Inglourious Basterds, Law Abiding Citizen; The Blind Side; Brothers
B-: New In Town; Paul Blart, Mall Cop; Yonkers Joe; Adventureland; Sunshine Cleaning; The Soloist; Angels & Demons; Dance Flick; Taking Woodstock; The Informant!; Whip It; Michael Jackson's This Is It; A Single Man; The Hurt Locker; A Serious Man
C+: The International; X-Men Origins: Wolverine; Public Enemies; Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince; Funny People; Fame; Surrogates; 2012; Avatar
C: Year One, Couples Retreat; Pirate Radio
C-: Bride Wars; He's Just Not That Into You; Terminator Salvation; I Love You, Beth Cooper; The Time Traveler's Wife; The Invention Of Lying; The Twilight Saga: New Moon; Everybody's Fine; Did You Hear About The Morgans?
D+: The Hangover; All About Steve; Jennifer's Body; Sherlock Holmes
D: The Ugly Truth
D-: The Men Who Stare At Goats

Quick Reviews: Zero Django

I have five movies to write about but the other three are 2013 releases, so I'm getting these two out of the way first. (By the way, I have a handful more 2012 releases to see, including a couple of Oscar Best Picture nominees, so I'm going to hold off on a best-of-2012 a bit.)

After watching Zero Dark Thirty, which tells a story -- not the story, as there are some details (including names) changed for various reasons -- of the USA's long but eventually successful manhunt for Osama bin Laden after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I was struck with two things that kind of bothered me a bit. And one of those things was not whether the film glorifies the torture used to obtain evidence. It clearly doesn't. It displays it quite graphically but it doesn't really take a side. The film centers around Maya (Jessica Chastain), a CIA officer with a dogged determination to solve the mystery of bin Laden's whereabouts, but she's such a mysterious character -- all we really know about her is she began her CIA career after high school -- that I thought it was difficult to understand her or identify with her. And while there may be artistic merit to the style of shooting the raid on bin Laden's compound, with jittery cameras work, with scenes either dark or seen through night-vision goggles, and no real "money shot" of the actual killing of bin Laden, it also blunts the emotional payoff a bit. It's a very good film but it seems a bit drained of passion. My grade: B-plus.

As for Django Unchained, it fits right into the Quentin Tarantino formula: lots of violence, lots of in-jokes, homages, music, cameos, etc. Where "Inglorious Basterds" was a revenge-on-Nazis fantasy, this one is all about revenge on slave traders and plantation owners. It's so...out there. A German bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) who frees, then teams up with, Django (Jamie Foxx) to collect more bounties before rescuing Django's wife, now owned by plantation owner Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio -- actually a nice change of pace for him, playing a villain instead of a hero). Of course, the plantation is called...wait for it...Candyland. It's just hard to take too seriously, which is fine, but at the same time I almost feel like Tarantino should do a romantic comedy or something, just to challenge himself. My grade: B-minus.

Quick Reviews: This Is Promised Guidance

Okay, so these movies may not even be in theaters by now, but I don't want to just ignore them. And, if anyone really wants my opinion before renting or buying the DVDs, it'll be here.

What surprised me about This Is 40, the sort-of-sequel to "Knocked Up" focusing on the married couple Pete and Debbie (Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann), was how much bickering they did. Between their own issues, business problems and dealing with their children and parents, there were times when I was wishing there was more comedy and less drama. A nice amount of shirtless Paul Rudd, though, and there's the cameo with current (Scott Hartnell, now-retired Ian Laperriere) and former (James van Riemsdyk, Matt Carle) Flyers in a bar with Mann and Megan Fox. My grade: B-minus.

I started out really liking Promised Land, the film about natural-gas "fracking," with Matt Damon and Frances McDormand trying to get farmers to sign mineral-rights leases to drill on their land. Then an environmental advocate (John Krasinski) hits town and Damon's character is so completely flustered by this development it rang extremely false. And the big twist near the end was just stupid. My grade: C-plus.

I'd compare Parental Guidance to "The Guilt Trip" in that it's a somewhat safe and predictable comedy, in which a long-married couple (Billy Crystal, Bette Midler), called upon to hop on a plane and mind the grandkids for a week, have difficulty with how their daughter and son-in-law are raising the children. But the baseball subplot (Crystal's an announcer needing a new job) helped, the ending made me cry a little (whether I'm just easily manipulated by films or I'm getting mushy in my advancing age is yet to be determined) and Crystal and Midler have old-pro charm. My grade: B.

Super Bowl: Heroes, Villains

Yes, I still want to keep this blog thing going, believe it or not.

Every time one of the major sports is about to decide its champion, and there's no Philadelphia team involved, I have to figure out which team I want to root for. In general, I like to root for the underdog, or David over Goliath. Teams that haven't won before or cities that haven't won in a long time, whose fans seem deserving of the success. Players I like (or dislike). So, no rooting for New York teams, the Dallas Cowboys, etc.

More and more there's a problem, though. Between the general arrogance and surly attitudes of many modern-day players and the rise of performance-enhancing substance usage and, in recent years, the outspokenness of players on gay issues and teams' participation in projects like You Can Play or It Gets Better, it's increasingly impossible to decide which team to support.

For Super Bowl XLVII (and boy, isn't it going to be weird when it's just Super Bowl L in three years), featuring the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers, there's been particular attention paid to gay stuff. On one hand, the Ravens' Brendan Ayanbadejo is an major supporter of equality, speaking out and helping same-sex equality become law in Maryland. On the other hand, his teammate Matt Birk holds anti-gay views based on his religious beliefs. Point: the 49ers' Chris Culliver made stupid anti-gay remarks this week. Counterpoint: the 49ers repudiated his remarks and his coach and some of his teammates spoke out against them. Plus: the 49ers are the only NFL team to release an It Gets Better video. Minus: Two 49ers who were in the video denied being in it, until they were shown the video featuring them, and the video's now been pulled from the It Gets Better website. It seems possible the 49ers were unclear or misled their players about the video's purpose.

Kaepernick

And that's not even getting into the media's canonization of Saint Ray Lewis, playing his last game, conveniently sweeping under the rug his involvement in the murders of two men, men whose murderers have gone unpunished thanks to the actions of Lewis. Oh, and there's that whole deer-antler-spray thing (getting back to performance-enhancers).

I suppose, with all the pro-gay and anti-gay stuff kind of canceling each other out, the Lewis factor would push me toward the 49ers. But the 49ers have already won five Super Bowls, and the Giants have two World Series wins in three years. So that pushes me back towards Baltimore.

See what I mean?

So I can't say how I'll feel about whichever team wins. I will say, after some wavering, I think the 49ers will win. It really depends on their quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, continuing to handle the pressure despite having little NFL experience before taking over midseason. If he doesn't play like a rookie, the 49ers will win. And, if you don't mind tattoos...